tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-90024368694224563832024-03-14T04:20:56.921-04:00A Road Less Traveled~ notes from an uncommon journey ~Conniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05882630042530182501noreply@blogger.comBlogger91125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9002436869422456383.post-88308300712571116162024-01-24T01:13:00.015-05:002024-01-24T15:47:12.297-05:00 Falling Into Body Love, Part 2<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://bioclinicamarbella.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/hidroterapia-colonterapia-hidrocolon-bioclinica-marbella.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="268" src="https://bioclinicamarbella.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/hidroterapia-colonterapia-hidrocolon-bioclinica-marbella.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">(<a href="https://bioclinicamarbella.com/en/colon-hydrotherapy" target="_blank">Source</a>)</td></tr></tbody></table><div><br /></div><div>In <a href="https://aroadlesstraveledblog.blogspot.com/2024/01/falling-into-body-love-1.html" target="_blank">Part 1</a> I talked about how (oddly through falling off a staircase) I had a body positivity epiphany. That epiphany, essentially, was that rather than trying (or more precisely, continuing to try—unsuccessfully, no less) to convince myself to love its appearance, I can shift the focus entirely from <i>what it looks like</i> to <i>what it does for me</i>.</div><div><br /></div><div>Because, let's face it: For over 54 years so far, my body (on the positive side of the equation) has, among other things:</div><div><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>Housed my spirit</li><li>Allowed me to experience this life</li><li>Carried me through the world</li><li>Sustained me through everything I've been through</li><li>Facilitated relating to many wonderful people</li></ul></div><div><br /></div><div>...and of course much more. </div><div><br /></div><div>(And to think—for the vast majority of that time, I accepted the bullshit messages society [and, not for nothing, some cruel people at times] sent its way—and added some of my own. But...I know that kind of conditioning sinks its teeth into us early and is relentless, so ultimately I can forgive myself for falling prey to it. I mean, who escapes it, really?)</div><div><br /></div><div>Anyway, all of the above is no small thing. It deserves to be acknowledged and appreciated.</div><div><br /></div><div>And as I said in part 1, I knew I wanted to make this epiphany into a practice. It's too significant to leave to a one-time experience in C's office. Thankfully it didn't take long for me to realize what I wanted to do to accomplish that.</div><div><br /></div><div>So now, almost daily, I place my hands on my belly, then on my chest, and sometimes other places, and at each place, I say aloud, "Thank you" and "I love you." (For a while I started each time with, "I'm sorry." Because of course, I <i>am</i> sorry for everything on the negative side of the equation that it's had to endure. But going forward with this practice, I'm focusing on gratitude and love.)</div><div><br /></div><div>Does it feel weird to talk to my body? Yeah, sometime it does. Does it feel weird to tell it, "I love you"? For sure. But I'd rather feel a little weird telling my body I love it than continuing to treat it like crap. I and my body deserve so much better than that.</div><div><br /></div><div>Do I know whether this is actually doing or will do anything for me? At this point it's really too soon to tell, but I figure it's gotta be better than feeding it ever more shit.</div><div><br /></div><div><div>And so now, when I say that I love my body, I do not mean I am thrilled with its appearance. I mean: I am practicing being loving toward my body. I am valuing appreciating it over shallowly criticizing or praising it either one. What my body is (the home for my soul) and what it does for me far, far outweigh both its appearance and how much that appearance meets or fails to meet society's beauty standards. Which are hyper-narrow, ever-changing cultural constructs anyway.</div></div><div><br /></div><div>One may consider my body love practice, in addition to an act of self love, to be an act of resistance.</div><div><br /></div><div>Because it is.</div>Conniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05882630042530182501noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9002436869422456383.post-59055470263765792452024-01-08T23:46:00.019-05:002024-02-14T00:36:10.908-05:00Falling Into Body Love, Part 1<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://media.angi.com/s3fs-public/Front-entryway-partially-carpeted-stairs.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="533" data-original-width="800" height="426" src="https://media.angi.com/s3fs-public/Front-entryway-partially-carpeted-stairs.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i>Not</i> H's staircase. Though its layout is the same as H's.<br />(Source: PC Photography / iStock / Getty Images Plus / Getty Images via <a href="https://www.angi.com/articles/how-much-does-building-stairs-and-railings-cost.htm">angi.com</a>)</td></tr></tbody></table><br /><div>The first thing you need to know is: I am <i>fine</i>.</div><div><br /></div><div>And I'm telling you that because a couple weeks ago, while at my friend H's house, I slipped and fell off the last two steps on my way back down from the bathroom. Like the staircase in the above photo, a) H's turns 90 degrees at the bottom, and b) the railing ends with a large newell post <i>above</i> the bottom two steps. So I wasn't holding onto anything while on the 2nd-to-last step.</div><div><br /></div><div>Unlike the staircase in the photo, H's does not have carpeting. And the flimsy knee-high nylons on my feet made it all too easy to slip on the wooden step. (I'd removed my shoes right after I entered, to honor the request for same that's affixed to her front door.) </div><div><br /></div><div>As I was falling, I put out my (left) hand to break my fall. As a result, the "heel" of my hand swelled up a bit and began showing a little bruising. Fortunately, the pain was not unbearable, I put ice on it right away, and nothing was broken.</div><div><br /></div><div>Two days later, I saw my therapist, C. I told him about the fall just by way of sharing. He said that falls can be "a lot, somatically," and he used it as a starting point to see what we could discover in terms what was happening with my body. (I'm getting a type of therapy called somatic experiencing, which is "a body-oriented approach to healing trauma and other stress disorders" [<a href="https://www.somaticexperiencing.com/somatic-experiencing" target="_blank">source</a>]).</div><div><br /></div><div>We realized that when I fell, I had put my hand out instinctually, to protect my core and my head. My hand took the brunt of the fall, against the wooden floor.</div><div><br /></div><div>At one point he asked me what would it be like if I thanked my hand for protecting me. I didn't say anything for a bit because the prospect of thanking my hand aloud felt weird. But he didn't comment on the fact that I wasn't saying anything. I was thinking the "thank you," though. </div><div><br /></div><div>And in that moment, tears came, quite unexpectedly. I didn't know where they were coming from, but also in that moment, I realized that throughout my life, society, other people (socially), and even <i>I</i> had given my body a lot of shit (mostly for what it does—and does <i>not</i>—look like). However, <i>my body has always been there for me</i>. And—<i>I can thank it for being there for me</i>. </div><div><br /></div><div>This might be the best kind of body positivity. In other words, rather than thinking my way into loving what my body looks like or even <i>putting undue focus on that at all</i>, I can <i>thank</i> my body for doing what it does for me and for what it continues to do for me every moment of my life. C asserted that my body is not judging me for judging it. It is there for me regardless. Which is such a lovely thought.</div><div><br /></div><div><div>Side note: I'm so excited that something that felt (mostly) good while it was happening, that was noticeable, that's even memorable <i>and</i> actionable happened in a session. (There've been too many therapy sessions—mostly before C—where that wasn't true.) I'm even <i>motivated</i> to make it actionable. Who even am I right now?!?</div></div><div><br /></div><div>Anyway, I knew immediately that I'd want to make this epiphany into a practice. I know from experience that if I didn't make it a practice, the epiphany would recede into my memory, and I'd never actually gain much from it. </div><div><br /></div><div>More on that in <a href="https://aroadlesstraveledblog.blogspot.com/2024/01/falling-into-body-love-2.html" target="_blank">Part 2</a>.</div>Conniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05882630042530182501noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9002436869422456383.post-18208837711517602552023-11-03T00:32:00.318-04:002023-11-07T19:00:10.609-05:00Remembering Matthew Perry How He Wanted to be Remembered<span style="text-align: left;"><br />Before he left this earth, Matthew Perry told us how he wanted to be remembered.</span><p>In a <a href="https://youtu.be/vrZsyBhmMro?si=aC8wPbixMATiYBBr" target="_blank">live interview</a> on the CBC podcast <a href="https://www.cbc.ca/listen/live-radio/1-50-q" target="_blank"><i>Q with Tom Power</i></a>, he <a href="https://youtu.be/vrZsyBhmMro?si=3gB04QGc67izPDaM&t=2659" target="_blank">said</a>:</p><blockquote><p>The best thing about me, bar none, is if somebody comes up to me and says, "I can't stop drinking; can you help me?" I can say yes and follow up and do it. That's the best thing. And I've said this for a long time: <b>When I die, I don't want <i>Friends</i> to be the first thing that's mentioned. I want that to be the first thing that's mentioned.</b> And I'm going to live the rest of my life proving that.</p></blockquote><p><br />In another already-widely-shared <a href="https://www.facebook.com/julie.mason816/posts/pfbid02thHMmRBTh8CHSdwSo8ZkzmY1tsZHscMoSGV48UBduRLW1tedteQz8G7cYL1CvcAgl?__cft__[0]=AZWwfqcxqRWn_rY_NLj7szlv_ub-i0TXjakCpWmZC0Jv-x2xQTNvjcl4pzL3BOTyi7_QW9da4yCWTahci3v_VnbfEFpkg18mJwlP5NfeGtR9raZqX-rX4RiU--zOIL72Ar3EIyvz02Ad7Ib8wOA2jhJbjmHh0w497jVK6JbQ9W6rnuyOfUih2qqNucBi1miyoaA&__tn__=%2CO*F" target="_blank">quote</a>, he put it this way:</p><blockquote><p>...but when I die, as far as my so-called accomplishments go, it would be nice if Friends were listed far behind the things I did to try to help other people.<br /><br />I know it won't happen, but it would be nice.</p></blockquote><p><br />And on that last point—sadly, he was right. </p><p>I'm sure I haven't seen nearly all the news articles announcing his death (indeed, doubtless there are way too many to find, much less wade through, them all). But I've seen many. And not a single one of them has done anything but name <i>Friends</i> either quickly after his name or in some cases even <i>before</i> his name. Here's a sampling:</p><p></p><ul style="text-align: left;"><li><p class="MsoNormal"><a href="https://abcnews.go.com/Entertainment/video/matthew-perry-star-friends-dies-54-sources-104456306">ABC</a><br />
headline: Matthew Perry, star of 'Friends,' dies at 54: Sources<br />first sentence of voiceover: Actor Matthew Perry, best known for his
portrayal of Chandler Bing on the ‘90s sitcom Friends, was found dead at his
Pacific Palisades home in Los Angeles on Saturday.</p></li><li><p class="MsoNormal"><a href="https://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-67252752">BBC</a><br />headline: Friends star Matthew Perry dies at 54<br />first sentence of article: US actor Matthew Perry, best known for playing wisecracking Chandler Bing in the hit '90s TV sitcom Friends, has died at the age of 54.</p></li><li><p class="MsoNormal"><a href="https://www.cbc.ca/news/entertainment/matthew-perry-obit-1.7011889">CBC</a><br />headline: Friends actor Matthew Perry dead at 54<br />subhead: Ottawa-raised actor portrayed Chandler Bing in hit sitcom<br />first sentence of article: <i>Friends</i> star Matthew Perry, the Emmy-nominated actor whose sarcastic, but lovable Chandler Bing was among television's most famous and most quotable characters, has died at 54.</p></li><li><p class="MsoNormal"><a href="https://deadline.com/2023/10/matthew-perry-dead-chandler-bing-friends-actor-1235586174/">Deadline</a><br />headline: Matthew Perry Dies: ‘Friends’ Actor Was 54<br />first sentence of article: Matthew Perry, best known for his role as Chandler Bing on <i>Friends</i>, has died. <br /></p></li></ul><div><br />I can't help but wonder why (seemingly) none of the many outlets who reported his tragic, way-too-soon death could bring themselves to fulfill his stated desire. The CBC, at least, knew about it. As mentioned above, he uttered that very desire on one of their podcasts, an episode that's also available on YouTube. And he mentioned that he'd been saying it for a long time. So—it was known.</div><div><br /></div><div>And it's not like any of us need to be <i>told</i> that Matthew Perry played Chandler Bing on <i>Friends</i>. In the annals of global, monster-hit, always-on-somewhere TV shows, <i>Friends</i> is near or at the very top. So that, too, was known.</div><div><br /></div><div><div>To be clear, there <i>have</i> been articles written about this stated desire of his, but they've only come after the straight news pieces that announced his death. </div><div><br /></div><div>I just wonder what would be wrong, exactly, with writing a first-report news story in a way that fulfilled that desire, that put his accomplishments as a human being and a helper of fellow addicts first and his <i>Friends</i> (and other acting) work "far behind" that. If it's a journalism thing: are the rules of news-article writing so sacrosanct that we can't bend or even break them in a case where <i>we all know</i> who he was and the highlights of his acting work? </div><div><br /></div><div>And what does it say about our culture that we put noting his acting career or journalistic tradition ahead of how he <i>said</i> he wanted to be remembered?</div></div><div><i><br /></i></div><div>None of this is to take anything away from his acting career. Clearly, he was a star for a reason. He was a comedic genius who made millions of people laugh. Consistently, over the entire course of a long-running show (and while he was battling addiction, no less). As Matt LeBlanc <a href="https://youtu.be/xm6kyUKQoRQ?si=C9jBoXtDMgXy6l0X&t=2117" target="_blank">said</a> of him, "Matthew Perry is so razor sharp and smart and inventive and knows right where the funny is." Matthew also had dramatic chops, though they were less renowned.</div><div><br /></div><div><span style="background-color: white;">But—he <i>told</i> us how he wanted to be remembered. </span></div><div><span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: center;">* * *</div><div style="text-align: left;"><div><span style="background-color: white;"><i><br />Dear Matthew: Never did I dream that I would ever feel compelled to write an article reporting your death. But here we are. And while clearly, I write occasionally, I am not a journalist. </i></span><i>So</i><i>—</i><i>this is me, doing my best:</i></div><div><span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span></div><div><br /></div></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><span><i>Dateline October 28. 2023</i><br /></span><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://img.huffingtonpost.com/asset/654123492300003800ea5145.jpeg?cache=JA5b20h4qi&ops=crop_0_0_2172_1389%2Cscalefit_720_noupscale&format=webp" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="460" data-original-width="720" height="256" src="https://img.huffingtonpost.com/asset/654123492300003800ea5145.jpeg?cache=JA5b20h4qi&ops=crop_0_0_2172_1389%2Cscalefit_720_noupscale&format=webp" width="400" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><a href="https://www.huffpost.com/entry/matthew-perry-legacy-therapists_l_65411001e4b02c5617da62cf" target="_blank">Source</a></span></td></tr></tbody></table>Matthew Perry, sober living sponsor and advocate, died today. He was found unresponsive in a hot tub at his Pacific Palisades, CA, home. As of this writing, autopsy results are inconclusive; toxicology work continues. The LAPD do not suspect foul play. Perry was 54.</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: arial;">Throughout the majority of his life, Perry suffered from alcoholism and addiction to various drugs, a struggle he detailed with remarkable candor in his memoir <i><a href="https://static.macmillan.com/static/fib/matthew-perry/" target="_blank">Friends, Lovers, and the Big Terrible Thing</a></i>, published just last year.</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: arial;">As a result of his experiences, Perry developed a passion for helping others who struggled as he did. The actions Perry took toward that end include co-founding a sober living house in his former Malibu mansion, called Perry House. (He later <a href="https://www.hollywoodreporter.com/lifestyle/lifestyle-news/why-matthew-perry-sold-his-817578/" target="_blank">sold the facility</a> when continuing to run it became too expensive, but remained committed to the idea.)</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: arial;">Perry also <a href="https://docs.house.gov/meetings/AP/AP19/20130321/100498/HHRG-113-AP19-Wstate-PerryM-20130321.pdf" target="_blank">testified</a> before Congress on behalf of the National Association of Drug Court Professionals </span><span style="font-family: arial;">to support funding for drug courts, which focus on treatment as opposed to punishment for addicts. The NADCP is part of an nonprofit called All Rise, which <a href="https://allrise.org/news/remembering-all-rise-ambassador-matthew-perry-1969-2023/" target="_blank">called</a> Perry "</span><span style="font-family: arial;">an ardent champion for treatment courts who gave freely of his time and energy to support treatment court funding on Capitol Hill and express his gratitude to treatment court professionals...."</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: arial;">In 2013 the Obama administration's Office of National Drug Control Policy <a href="https://www.hollywoodreporter.com/news/politics-news/matthew-perry-honored-at-white-502965/" target="_blank">honored</a> Perry with its Champion of Recovery award for his advocacy as well as for his openness about his addiction and recovery.</span><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: arial;">In an <a href="https://youtu.be/vrZsyBhmMro?si=JL3xQFjDvf-vyG91" target="_blank">interview</a> with CBC's Tom Power, Perry stated that he received the same amount of gratification, which he called "the same juice," from speaking to large crowds about sobriety as he did from helping people one-on-one. </span><span style="font-family: arial;">One of the people Perry helped to get sober was his good friend Hank Azaria. In a </span><a href="https://www.instagram.com/reel/Cy_ZHluOQ7m/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link&igshid=MzRlODBiNWFlZA%3D%3D" style="font-family: arial;" target="_blank">video</a><span style="font-family: arial;"> posted to Instagram, Azaria said of Perry, "As a sober person, he was so caring and giving and wise, and he totally helped me get sober. And I really wish he could've found it in himself to stay with the sober life more consistently." </span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: arial;">During the COVID-19 pandemic, </span><span style="font-family: arial;">Perry</span><span style="font-family: arial;"> </span><a href="https://twitter.com/MatthewPerry/status/1396904059529961481" style="font-family: arial;" target="_blank">spoke out</a><span style="font-family: arial;"> in favor of the vaccine, and he </span><a href="https://www.outlookindia.com/website/story/entertainment-news-matthew-perry-launched-friends-inspired-apparel-collection-for-charity/366414" style="font-family: arial;" target="_blank">launched</a><span style="font-family: arial;"> a limited-edition apparel line, the proceeds of which went to the World Health Organization's COVID-19 relief fund.</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: helvetica;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: helvetica;">Perry was a <a href="https://www.today.com/popculture/matthew-perry-siblings-rcna122665" target="_blank">beloved son to two sets of parents and beloved brother to five siblings</a>, a <a href="https://people.com/matthew-perry-friends-costars-speak-out-after-his-death-exclusive-8384107" target="_blank">beloved fellow castmate</a> to some, a beloved friend to many, and a beloved actor to millions.</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: helvetica;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: helvetica;">Perry had many <a href="https://www.imdb.com//nm0001612/?ref_=nv_sr_srsg_0_tt_1_nm_7_q_matthew%2520p" target="_blank">film and TV roles</a> to his credit, most famously Chandler Bing on <i style="font-family: arial;">Friends</i><span style="font-family: arial;">.</span></span></div><p></p>Conniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05882630042530182501noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9002436869422456383.post-19577095106798989162023-04-07T23:53:00.019-04:002023-04-08T02:28:24.188-04:00What Captain Shaw Means to Me<p style="text-align: center;"> <span style="text-align: center;"> </span><b style="font-size: x-large; text-align: center;">* * * *</b></p><p style="text-align: center;"><b style="font-size: x-large;">Warning:<br />This post contains spoilers for<br /><i>Star Trek: Picard </i>Season 3.<br /> <br />* * * *</b></p><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjD0b4AIoDJW_V_Dxr5hoYmisANQNS9XMuUeAUhySbhEqZV7AfPzb3sAnCDcPi-oUdjzTAUWyVNexvJGs8sOJ98-Qy7NaORpdA94XfeRLh_lUVWdkQ1SRafd_BDgDwYWqHMpzfzjrdQIAu8I6HfJkOTUjQ4LCLDha2uxlcdq5tBbLN2hjj65tFqSXRZnQ/s498/no-captain-liam-shaw.gif" style="font-size: x-large; font-weight: bold; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="243" data-original-width="498" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjD0b4AIoDJW_V_Dxr5hoYmisANQNS9XMuUeAUhySbhEqZV7AfPzb3sAnCDcPi-oUdjzTAUWyVNexvJGs8sOJ98-Qy7NaORpdA94XfeRLh_lUVWdkQ1SRafd_BDgDwYWqHMpzfzjrdQIAu8I6HfJkOTUjQ4LCLDha2uxlcdq5tBbLN2hjj65tFqSXRZnQ/s16000/no-captain-liam-shaw.gif" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Captain Shaw saying what appears to be his favorite word. (s<a href="https://tenor.com/view/no-captain-liam-shaw-star-trek-picard-no-way-nuh-uh-gif-4839116137167912960" target="_blank">ource</a>)</td></tr></tbody></table><div><span><div><br /><span style="font-size: small;">Note: This post was written after watching the available 8 out of the total 10 episodes of the season. As such I don't yet know the resolution to Captain Shaw's storyline in <i>Picard</i>.</span></div><div><br /></div><div>When, in Episode 1, "The Next Generation," we first meet <a href="https://www.paramountplus.com/shows/star-trek-picard/" target="_blank"><i>Star Trek: Picard</i></a>'s <a href="https://memory-alpha.fandom.com/wiki/Liam_Shaw" target="_blank">Captain Shaw</a> (played masterfully by <a href="https://twitter.com/ToddStashwick" target="_blank">Todd Stashwick</a>), he’s…well, he’s a bit of an ass. In one scene alone, he starts dinner <i>before</i> his invited guests—no less than <a href="https://memory-alpha.fandom.com/wiki/Jean-Luc_Picard" target="_blank">Admiral Picard</a> and <a href="https://memory-alpha.fandom.com/wiki/William_T._Riker" target="_blank">Captain Riker</a>—even arrive; he uses a sarcastic tone to compliment the wine Admiral Picard brought (his own, from Chateau Picard) before proceeding to share that he prefers something else; and the ultimate insult: he says a curt “No” to their request to take the ship to a different destination.</div><div><br /></div><div>And that's just the beginning. For one thing, he keeps deadnaming <a href="https://memory-alpha.fandom.com/wiki/Seven_of_Nine" target="_blank">Seven</a> (<a href="https://twitter.com/JeriLRyan" target="_blank">Jeri Ryan</a>), across multiple episodes, even after we see her (in Episode 4, "No Win Scenario") subtly—but forcefully—express her preference to be called "Seven." Definitely not cool.</div><div><br /></div><div>This is not the kind of behavior we generally expect of a Starfleet captain. So what gives?</div><div><br /></div><div>We don’t find out the origins of Shaw’s assholery for a few episodes, which is also fitting, since the Titan and her crew certainly have bigger issues at hand. But when we do find out (also in Episode 4), we realize that Shaw’s not just being a jerk for the sake of it. He has <i>been through some shit</i>. It seems the man has a serious case of post-traumatic stress disorder. And with good reason: he was not only <i>at</i> the <a href="https://memory-alpha.fandom.com/wiki/Wolf_359#Battle_of_Wolf_359" target="_blank">Battle of Wolf 359</a>, where it seemed “like space itself was burning,” he survived it. But…ah, that carries with it its own pain: “Why-why me?” indeed. He only survived that infamous battle because “some lieutenant” pointed at nine other people and then him and ordered them to get on the only remaining, 10-seat life pod.<br /><br /></div><div>This is the kind of event that can cause trauma, and this is the kind of trauma that can mark a person for life.</div><div><br /></div><div>And while I’m on the subject, the writing of his Wolf 359 monologue (by <a href="https://twitter.com/TerryMatalas" target="_blank">Terry Matalas</a>, also the showrunner, and <a href="https://twitter.com/Sean_Tretta" target="_blank">Sean Tretta</a>) is of note. Partway through relaying the story of that terrible day to <a href="https://memory-alpha.fandom.com/wiki/Jack_Crusher" target="_blank">Jack Crusher</a> (<a href="https://www.instagram.com/edwardjspeleers/" target="_blank">Ed Speleers</a>), Shaw starts switching back and forth between present tense and past tense. When I first noticed it, I thought, “He meant ‘was.’” But I rewound and saw that no, he was definitely speaking in the present tense in that instance. And that’s when it hit me: He was, at least in part, reliving it through the telling of it. This rings true because one thing that trauma does is keep a part of us “in” the traumatic moment.</div><div><br /></div><div>So Captain Shaw has seen some hard times, and, as is often true to life, they've stayed with him and have shaped him. And while that certainly doesn't excuse his assholery, we at least know it comes from a real place. </div><div><br /></div><div>Fortunately for him, said assholery hasn’t kept him from rising to the rank of Captain, despite Starfleet being aware of his issues (which we're given a hint of when Vadic, the season's villain, mentions his official pscyh. profile). One could reasonably wonder how he kept getting promoted, given his behavior. But we don't know enough of the backstory yet to answer that question.</div><div><br /></div><div>In any case Captain Shaw is quite high-functioning, regardless of his mental illness. This also rings true because, contrary to what many in our society seem to think, having a mental illness does not necessarily mean one is incapacitated.</div><div><br /></div><div>And of course I know what rings true about all of this because of the trauma I've experienced (most of which remains unresolved as of this writing). Thankfully I am, like Captain Shaw, able to be a rather high-functioning adult—holding down a challenging job, paying the bills, and trying to be a contributing member of our society.</div><div><br /></div><div>My point is: <i>I have never related to a </i>Star Trek<i> character more than I do to Captain Shaw</i>. (Having said that, I do try not to be a jerk. :)</div><div><br /></div><div>Before Captain Shaw, I certainly liked <i>Star Trek</i>; I would've even said I loved it. But having a <i>Trek</i> character I can actually <i>relate</i> to, especially to this degree, feels...new. And it kicks that love into fucking overdrive.</div><div><br /></div><div>It should be noted that Captain Shaw does have redeeming qualities that we've caught glimpses of. Most notably, in Episode 7, "Dominion," when he realized he was alone in a turbolift with Vadic and another changeling, he called out, "Blow the turbolift!" as a command to those on the bridge. Commander Seven spared Shaw's life by disobeying that order, which Shaw gives her grief for in the next episode (8, "Surrender"). He's willing to sacrifice himself to save his crew. Like any good captain. Also it was stated elsewhere that the whole reason he doesn't worship Picard and Riker like so many others do is that the two of them had made many decisions over the years that put their crews in more danger than was necessary. He cares enough about his crew that he'd never make those same kinds of decisions in the first place. Granted, Picard and Riker doubtless care about their crews as well, but...try telling that to Shaw.</div><div><br /></div><div>So—he does care. And doubtless a great deal. But for him, being perpetually pissed off gets in the way of showing it.</div><div><br /></div><div>Another aspect of Captain Shaw that I dearly love (and am certainly not alone in) is his sense of humor: he's got a razor-sharp, acerbic wit, and he's even unafraid to use it on our heroes. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg5Uy7xMFcwITA3V-Wmi1Kzxud1PhblUl_xOBd6RIaMItkWW6HUF4GSDlTDdBQ7JSr8rkrzsjtTrofYs9Xa3FKy42icaqoROklbqj6-pl_EGwfyHocrjMUFXUV-O4-DaUOMRFUT0-xEXISFycdhnHsKYko4BYkTPY1cEALqwqygfFoZGygqwaJZkaM4jA/s1920/Screenshot%202023-04-07%20231338.png" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1017" data-original-width="1920" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg5Uy7xMFcwITA3V-Wmi1Kzxud1PhblUl_xOBd6RIaMItkWW6HUF4GSDlTDdBQ7JSr8rkrzsjtTrofYs9Xa3FKy42icaqoROklbqj6-pl_EGwfyHocrjMUFXUV-O4-DaUOMRFUT0-xEXISFycdhnHsKYko4BYkTPY1cEALqwqygfFoZGygqwaJZkaM4jA/w400-h213/Screenshot%202023-04-07%20231338.png" width="400" /></a> <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEirJDR6geJ-QhuOnqWdw7DPZlLJorKJnRYir9aO71IpVdVA3kuCS1AYNxZKlnznMvb79_YhpbpdFvX_Mv0YbzKMJpgGj6NBe9kYhAPSiNlmgcZgGS1tk03H9pSau-osq8V2WgtsZK3EL_t5QbroI-ziBMkGVkwqrHFGC4QT3BDugX_5P4Hz0AXDmA9_4A/s1920/Screenshot%202023-04-07%20231351.png" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="801" data-original-width="1920" height="168" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEirJDR6geJ-QhuOnqWdw7DPZlLJorKJnRYir9aO71IpVdVA3kuCS1AYNxZKlnznMvb79_YhpbpdFvX_Mv0YbzKMJpgGj6NBe9kYhAPSiNlmgcZgGS1tk03H9pSau-osq8V2WgtsZK3EL_t5QbroI-ziBMkGVkwqrHFGC4QT3BDugX_5P4Hz0AXDmA9_4A/w400-h168/Screenshot%202023-04-07%20231351.png" width="400" /></a> <table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjPn81QlNWB4hT0Z0_D3lJmk1CMWwUQ_Voeyiz3DcL-SpyU6K3mPIr6qr_qI3Qj9jghWd0MLBoZbQzr9A1famuQtTX98kjW0fdWrg7NGoclB9rghYxSTB9ulXXvZl3Qcf_OyF6oDNx6K0ie5vMGhc4tm6hkWMG-0vAzNvDtLr7_7A2CMMlNvC8ixpqxag/s1920/Screenshot%202023-04-07%20231359.png" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="799" data-original-width="1920" height="166" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjPn81QlNWB4hT0Z0_D3lJmk1CMWwUQ_Voeyiz3DcL-SpyU6K3mPIr6qr_qI3Qj9jghWd0MLBoZbQzr9A1famuQtTX98kjW0fdWrg7NGoclB9rghYxSTB9ulXXvZl3Qcf_OyF6oDNx6K0ie5vMGhc4tm6hkWMG-0vAzNvDtLr7_7A2CMMlNvC8ixpqxag/w400-h166/Screenshot%202023-04-07%20231359.png" width="400" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">screen caps <a href="https://twitter.com/i/status/1637906862770384897" target="_blank">source</a></td></tr></tbody></table></div><br /></div><div><br />Heroic characters (and those treated as heroes even when they go rogue) are great—and I'm not here to say otherwise. But to also have characters who are flawed, complicated, traumatized, and perpetually pissed off but deeply caring, hilariously sarcastic, and high functioning? <i>Yes. Please.</i> These are all notes I am more than happy to see Star Trek playing. </div><div><br /></div><div>So...<i>thank you</i> to Terry (who originally wrote the character), to Sean and the rest of the writing staff, and to Todd for bringing him to life. </div><div><br /></div><div>And I definitely want to see more than one season's worth of Captain Shaw.</div></span></div>Conniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05882630042530182501noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9002436869422456383.post-58510077195566043002022-12-03T10:11:00.007-05:002022-12-20T20:08:00.714-05:00Stephen Colbert Models How to Talk to a Griever<p style="text-align: center;"><br /><iframe allow="accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture" allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/f5TgVKEKo5A?start=181" title="YouTube video player" width="560"></iframe><br /><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I've embedded the extended interview because much of what I refer to below was edited <br />out of the broadcast. It's coded it to start at the beginning of their discussion of Rob's son.</span><br /></span></p><div><span style="text-align: left;"><br />Even if you've </span><a href="https://www.conniewinch.com/ron" style="text-align: left;" target="_blank">lived through loss yourself</a><span style="text-align: left;">, it can still be very difficult to know how to talk to someone who has experienced the death of someone very close to them. Especially since, unlike "normal" people (you know, those who haven't experienced a profound loss</span>—yet), you <i style="text-align: left;">know</i><span style="text-align: left;"> how useless any "words" you might offer will be.</span></div><p></p><p style="text-align: left;">But last Wednesday night, <a href="https://www.cbs.com/shows/the-late-show-with-stephen-colbert/" target="_blank">Stephen Colbert</a>, while interviewing comedian <a href="https://www.robdelaney.com/" target="_blank">Rob Delaney</a>, conducted a master class in talking to a griever—about their loss and grief, no less.</p><p style="text-align: left;">First, some background: In 2016 Rob and his wife's youngest son, Henry, developed a brain tumor. Two years later, he died. Rob has written a memoir about the experience, <a href="https://linktr.ee/hearttworks" style="font-style: italic;" target="_blank">A Heart That Works</a>. He was appearing on <i>The Late Show With Stephen Colbert</i> to promote the book.</p><p style="text-align: left;">Here's what Stephen did:</p><p style="text-align: left;"></p><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>This one is more about <i>talking about grief</i> than it is <i>talking to a griever</i>, but I noticed and was impressed by the way he eased into the grief-and-loss portion of the program by asking Rob about his book. That made it less jarring for the audience, at least, than it would've been if he suddenly was like, "So<span style="font-size: 14.6667px;">—</span>about your son's death...."<br /><br /></li><li>At one point, Stephen acknowledged that (in grief time), five years is not very long. (<i>Can confirm.</i>)<br /><br /></li><li>This one's my favorite: He simply said to Rob, about Henry, "Tell me about him." And then he and the audience listened as Rob told multiple stories about his dear Henry. What many "normal" people don't realize is just how much grievers want—no, <i>need</i>—to talk about their loved one. And how appreciated having people just listen to them would be.<br /><br /></li><li>At the end of the interview, Stephen thanked Rob for telling his story.<br /><br /></li></ul>And here's what Stephen <i>didn't</i> do:<br /><div><p></p><div><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>Shrink from the topic. He <i>had</i> Rob on the show (Rob didn't promote any other project besides the book, so it's not as if he might have appeared on the show around this time anyway.) <br /><br /></li><li>Say things like <i>oh my god</i> or<i> I'm sooo sorry</i> or anything like that. It may be very tempting say such things, but I believe many grievers feel that such reactions can seem more pitying than empathetic. Some alternatives that I think work better are <i>I love you</i> (if it's someone I'm close with), <i>This sucks</i>, <i>My heart is with you</i>.<br /><br /></li><li>This one may be the most impressive of all: Refer to <a href="https://youtu.be/YB46h1koicQ?t=58" target="_blank">his own experience with grief</a> in any way. This one I find tricky because one of the ways I empathize with people is by telling stories that demonstrate how I can relate. But some people find that such a response makes it seem like I'm trying to "make it about me" or to "one up" them. <br /><br />So we need to either have deep-enough knowledge of the person to know how they'll take our response or, failing that, feel them out about what will seem most helpful to them. I don't think most people would mind being asked, "Would it feel supportive if I talked about how and why I can relate? Or would you rather I not do that?"</li></ul><br />Talking with grievers about their grief is <i>never</i> easy, but I believe we would do well to follow Stephen's example.</div></div>Conniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05882630042530182501noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9002436869422456383.post-14534107495520577532022-04-15T17:09:00.050-04:002022-04-22T21:42:53.883-04:00A Hero For Our Times<p style="text-align: left;"><i><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: small;">Note: I started this post not long after Russia's full-scale invasion of Ukraine began on February 24 and wasn't able to finish it as soon as I'd have liked. But I'm posting it anyway, for the record.</span></i></p><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEigamy2-dv9yuYjwAym5OFUgnE1zbAXejFE45wlPVXmmgdec-s4vmZMGSu1KuspYbu3DXNsGnj3hR6xcceeMh686DxW0454YyEofS6R8H2UE0yBrc7yGonr7i45E9rSHiLcPjJvr1NX5-8Jdl7eEM0XK1VgTWR1eEns4qb7oD7S5qakTvS3hCoDkDHxIA/s2717/Volodymyr_Zelensky_A%20Hero%20For%20Our%20Times.png" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2717" data-original-width="2100" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEigamy2-dv9yuYjwAym5OFUgnE1zbAXejFE45wlPVXmmgdec-s4vmZMGSu1KuspYbu3DXNsGnj3hR6xcceeMh686DxW0454YyEofS6R8H2UE0yBrc7yGonr7i45E9rSHiLcPjJvr1NX5-8Jdl7eEM0XK1VgTWR1eEns4qb7oD7S5qakTvS3hCoDkDHxIA/s320/Volodymyr_Zelensky_A%20Hero%20For%20Our%20Times.png" width="247" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Background photo: Official portrait from president.gov.ua, <br />used under Creative Commons license CC BY <br />4.0, via Wikimedia Commons. Very slight color <br />balancing, overlay design, and typography by me.</td></tr></tbody></table><div>In the face of Russia's aggression, Ukrainian president <a href="https://www.president.gov.ua/en/" target="_blank">Volodymyr Zelenskyy</a> stood up and defended his country—as have the Ukrainians generally—and became a hero around the world.</div><div><br /></div><div>It's pretty clear that Vladimir Putin <a href="https://twitter.com/VeraMBergen/status/1498329378907992068" target="_blank">lied to his forces</a> about what Russia would be doing in this war. Indeed, Putin, through the state-controlled media, which is all most Russians have access to, has been <a href="https://twitter.com/anneapplebaum/status/1512049143425941508" target="_blank">lying to the Russian people about Ukraine and Ukrainians</a> for decades.</div><div><div><div><br /></div><div>Also...Vladimir did not count on Volodymyr. </div><div><br /></div><div>And he underestimated the Ukrainian people's resolve to defend their homeland, to fight for their freedom, to resist tyranny. </div><div><br /></div><div>But all of that was after Volodymyr had already inspired with this speech (his inaugural); I highly recommend watching the entire thing; it's fantastic--and it has English subtitles:<br /><br /></div></div>
<div style="text-align: center;"><iframe allow="accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture" allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/OCmQiucgyMk" title="YouTube video player" width="560"></iframe></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><blockquote><p>Every one of us is the president now. Not only 73 percent of [Ukrainian voters] who voted for me—all 100 percent.... It's our common chance for which we take shared responsibility. And now it wasn't just me who took the oath. Each of us—each of us—put a hand on the Constitution. And each of us swore loyalty to Ukraine.... Starting today, every one of us bears responsibility for Ukraine, which we will leave to our children. Each of us, in our places, can do something for the development of Ukraine.... And each of us is a migrant worker. Yes. Those who didn't manage to find their place at home but found earnings in a foreign country. Those who, fighting poverty, had to lose their dignity. But we will overcome all of this. For each of us is a Ukrainian. We are all Ukrainians. There's no less of a Ukrainian or more of a Ukrainian. The right Ukrainian or wrong Ukrainian. We are all Ukrainians.</p></blockquote><p><br />And the invasion was <i>before</i> Volodymyr inspired again:<br /><br /></p> <script async="" charset="utf-8" src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script></div>
<div style="text-align: center;"><iframe allow="accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture" allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/u0-Yeqh4PFY" title="YouTube video player" width="560"></iframe></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;"><iframe allow="accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture" allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/qTu4VRp6hJw" title="YouTube video player" width="560"></iframe></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgvi8WCHcxvPjxgMWYIvD6Rbm_OwKHPYr9l84qjkZXANLR7xvFoxWXEPN5jl_rKuwHoE8z0QL5qLOg9g4cLNeRqQasmYRVP_xsa0zSbC7wWYORSoqabi1nWjJAzG5CkGY9apq4W-x1c3iQhlgmq-sQ3tQFw3ggCjkUFagCQL64BuXFBWfafQilHq4J4SA/s1920/Screenshot%202022-04-15%20154414.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1080" data-original-width="1920" height="360" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgvi8WCHcxvPjxgMWYIvD6Rbm_OwKHPYr9l84qjkZXANLR7xvFoxWXEPN5jl_rKuwHoE8z0QL5qLOg9g4cLNeRqQasmYRVP_xsa0zSbC7wWYORSoqabi1nWjJAzG5CkGY9apq4W-x1c3iQhlgmq-sQ3tQFw3ggCjkUFagCQL64BuXFBWfafQilHq4J4SA/w640-h360/Screenshot%202022-04-15%20154414.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Screenshot of <a href="https://youtu.be/Q8ZUbN5eHcQ" target="_blank"><i>The Late Show with Stephen Colbert</i>'s February 28, 2022, episode</a> via Youtube.</td></tr></tbody></table><br /><div style="text-align: left;">In one of his now-daily video updates (which he posts to <a href="https://www.instagram.com/zelenskiy_official/" target="_blank">his Instagram account</a>), he said the following:<br /><br /></div><blockquote><div style="text-align: left;"><div>When I ran for presidency, I said that each of us is the President. Because we are all responsible for our state. For our beautiful Ukraine. And now it turns out that each of us is a warrior. The warrior in his or her own place. And I am confident that each of us will win.</div></div></blockquote><div style="text-align: left;"><br />Here's that clip, thanks to <a href="https://twitter.com/therecount" target="_blank">@therecount</a>:</div><div style="text-align: center;"><blockquote class="twitter-tweet" data-theme="dark"><p dir="ltr" lang="en">New from Ukrainian Pres. Zelenskyy: “When I ran for presidency, I said that each of us is the president. Because we are all responsible for our state. For our beautiful Ukraine.”<br /><br />“And now it turns out that each of us is a warrior ... And I am confident that each of us will win." <a href="https://t.co/kwEbFFgCLS">pic.twitter.com/kwEbFFgCLS</a></p>— The Recount (@therecount) <a href="https://twitter.com/therecount/status/1498279472403030027?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">February 28, 2022</a></blockquote> <script async="" charset="utf-8" src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div></div><div style="text-align: left;">Originally I was going to sub-head this post, "All the best Zelenskyy content you need in your life." But it quickly became clear that if I populated this post with all the times that Volodymyr Zelenskyy has inspired me (and millions around the world), it would be longer than anyone would want to read—though I actually could write a whole other post (and probably will) about his communication style.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">But of course, it's not his words that make him a hero. It's his actions. He could have fled, with US protection even, and he didn't. He could have saved his own life instead of risking it, as he is now doing every moment of every day. But—he stayed. He made his stand against tyranny. He is defending his and all Ukrainians' right to their land, to their country, and to their own self determination.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">And that is why I call him...a hero for our times.</div>Conniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05882630042530182501noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9002436869422456383.post-4691516381387446842022-01-12T23:34:00.006-05:002023-06-24T17:56:54.012-04:00And Just Like That...I Feel So Seen, Part 2<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://static.cdn.turner.com/styles/scale_792/s3/images/2022-01/sarita-choudhury.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="533" data-original-width="800" height="426" src="https://static.cdn.turner.com/styles/scale_792/s3/images/2022-01/sarita-choudhury.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Georgia, Utopia, "Palatino Linotype", Palatino, serif; font-size: 13.2px;">Sarita Choudhury as Seema Patel in </span><i style="background-color: white; font-family: Georgia, Utopia, "Palatino Linotype", Palatino, serif; font-size: 13.2px;">And Just Like That</i><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Georgia, Utopia, "Palatino Linotype", Palatino, serif; font-size: 13.2px;">. <br />(Source: </span><a href="https://pressroom.warnermedia.com/us/image/saritachoudhury-0" style="background-color: white; color: #0000e5; font-family: Georgia, Utopia, "Palatino Linotype", Palatino, serif; font-size: 13.2px; max-width: 100%; text-decoration-line: none; transition: all 0.25s ease-out 0s;">warnermedia.com</a><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Georgia, Utopia, "Palatino Linotype", Palatino, serif; font-size: 13.2px;">, photo by Craig Blankenhorn/HBO Max.)</span></td></tr></tbody></table><p style="text-align: center;"> <br /><b style="font-size: x-large;">* * * *<br /><br />This post contains spoilers for <br /><i>And Just Like That</i> Season 1, Episode 6.<br /> <br />* * * *</b></p><p style="text-align: left;">Seema Patel is fabulous. And in case the photo above isn't enough proof, here are a couple more in evidence:</p><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="8" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody><tr style="vertical-align: bottom;"><td><a href="https://static.cdn.turner.com/styles/scale_792/s3/images/2021-12/sarita-choudhury.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="533" data-original-width="800" height="219" src="https://static.cdn.turner.com/styles/scale_792/s3/images/2021-12/sarita-choudhury.jpg" width="329" /></a></td><td><a href="https://static.cdn.turner.com/styles/scale_792/s3/images/2022-01/sarita-choudhury_0.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="533" data-original-width="800" height="210" src="https://static.cdn.turner.com/styles/scale_792/s3/images/2022-01/sarita-choudhury_0.jpg" width="315" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" colspan="2" style="vertical-align: top;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Georgia, Utopia, "Palatino Linotype", Palatino, serif; font-size: 13.2px;">Sarita Choudhury as Seema Patel in </span><i style="background-color: white; font-family: Georgia, Utopia, "Palatino Linotype", Palatino, serif; font-size: 13.2px;">And Just Like That</i><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Georgia, Utopia, "Palatino Linotype", Palatino, serif; font-size: 13.2px;">.<br />(Source: </span><a href="https://pressroom.warnermedia.com/us/property/and-just/images" style="background-color: white; color: #0000e5; font-family: Georgia, Utopia, "Palatino Linotype", Palatino, serif; font-size: 13.2px; max-width: 100%; text-decoration-line: none; transition: all 0.25s ease-out 0s;">warnermedia.com</a><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Georgia, Utopia, "Palatino Linotype", Palatino, serif; font-size: 13.2px;">, photos by Craig Blankenhorn/HBO Max.)<br /></span></td></tr></tbody></table><p style="text-align: left;">But who is Seema? We know her as Carrie Preston's real estate agent and new friend.</p><p style="text-align: left;">Of course, in reality, she's a fictional character on <i><a href="https://www.hbomax.com/grw-jlt" target="_blank">And Just Like That</a></i>. So why is this a big deal? There are fabulous characters on TV all the time.</p><p style="text-align: left;">Yes, but how often are they a never-married single woman? How often are they a never-married single woman <i>in her 50s, no less?</i> I mean, even in the original series, Carrie, Charlotte, Miranda, and Samantha were in their 30s or 40s—never 50s. And of course three of those four got married during the series.</p><p style="text-align: left;">Seema is 53. Which does not stop her from continuing to "<a href="https://aroadlesstraveledblog.blogspot.com/2022/01/ajlt-ifeelsoseen.html" target="_blank">put herself out there</a>" as they say.</p><p style="text-align: left;">And like many single women, she has to deal with the "When are you going to get married?" thing from her parents. (While shopping for an outfit for her family's <a href="https://www.diwalifestival.org/" target="_blank">Diwali</a> party, she tells Carrie, "In India, Diwali is a Hindu celebration of light triumphing over dark. In Queens, it's the celebration of my family asking me why I'm still not married.") So much so that she tells her parents she's dating "Dennis" (who, of course, does not exist).</p><p style="text-align: left;">(Note: Indian viewers have <a href="https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/world/carrie-bradshaw-s-diwali-outfit-fails-to-rewrite-racist-sex-and-the-city-past-fans-say/ar-AASHc7Z" target="_blank">pointed out online</a> that while the characters use the word "sari," the shop that Seema and Carrie go into does not have saris; it only has lahengas. I used "outfit" because which type they are shopping for—and later in the episode wearing—is not the point of this post. More importantly, as a non-Indian with almost no knowledge of Indian garments, I'm not really qualified to comment.)</p><p style="text-align: left;">In addition to having a great career, having a killer wardrobe, and being generally fabulous, Seema's independent. She knows her own mind. In telling Carrie she doesn't want an arranged marriage like her parents', she says, "...[E]very time I push back on one of their choices for me, I get, 'Your father and I weren't in love at first sight either, but we <i>grew</i> to love each other.' If I have to convince myself to love someone, then I don't want them."</p><p style="text-align: left;">What's more, she's happy with her life. At least...sometimes she is. After they both attend the Diwali party, where Carrie learns about the "Dennis" thing, Seema tells Carrie, "Trust me, when I'm alone, I know there's no Dennis in my life."</p><p style="text-align: left;">Carrie: "Yet."</p><p style="text-align: left;">Seema: "Okay, yet."</p><p style="text-align: left;">Carrie: "So are you happy with your life alone, like you said you were...[earlier]?"</p><p style="text-align: left;">Seema: "Most times. And other times, it's wishful thinking, something I tell myself."</p><p style="text-align: left;">What I love about this is: <i>Seema is not one-dimensional.</i> She's independent, not wanting her parents (or anyone else for that matter) choosing things for her, <i>and </i>she feels the pressure enough to fib to her parents. She loves her life <i>and</i> wants to—and, as we learned in episode 4, is working to—find someone to share it with.</p><p style="text-align: left;">So...to the <i>And Just Like That</i> creative team, I must say: Thank you, thank you, <i>thank</i> you for giving us a 50+ single woman character who is both fabulous and flawed, "looking for love" and loving her life—all at the same time. You could've made her into yet another example of the older single woman stereotype...I'm so glad you didn't.</p>Conniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05882630042530182501noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9002436869422456383.post-72672271578949858902022-01-09T02:19:00.027-05:002022-01-14T15:40:57.803-05:00And Just Like That...I Feel So Seen, Part 1<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://static.cdn.turner.com/styles/scale_792/s3/images/2021-12/sarah-jessica-parker-sarita-choudhury.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="533" data-original-width="800" height="426" src="https://static.cdn.turner.com/styles/scale_792/s3/images/2021-12/sarah-jessica-parker-sarita-choudhury.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Sarah Jessica Parker as Carrie Preston and Sarita Choudhury as Seema Patel in Season 1 Episode 4 <br />of <i>And Just Like That</i>. (Source: <a href="https://pressroom.warnermedia.com/us/image/sarahjessicaparkersaritachoudhury2">warnermedia.com</a>, photo by Craig Blankenhorn/HBO Max.)</td></tr></tbody></table><p style="text-align: center;"><br /><span style="font-size: x-large;"><b>* * * *<br /><br />This post contains spoilers for <i>And Just Like That</i>—both for the show in general and for<br />Season 1, Episode 4 in particular.<br /> <br />* * * *</b></span></p><p style="text-align: left;">As of the end of the very first episode of <i><a href="https://www.hbomax.com/grw-jlt" target="_blank">And Just Like That</a></i>, Carrie Preston is now a widow. In Episode 4, she decides to sell the apartment she shared with her late husband. And so we meet Seema Patel, her real estate agent, who's a 53-year-old single woman—not divorced and never married. </p><p style="text-align: left;">When Carrie and Seema are first getting to know each other, they talk about Seema's dating life, and Carrie says, "And you're never married, not divorced?" Seema replies, "No, happily not divorced." To which Carrie says, "Well, I think it's great that you're still putting yourself out there." Seema gives an affirmative response, and the moment passes.</p><p style="text-align: left;">Later, after the open house she'd held for the Prestons' apartment, Seema matter-of-factly tells Carrie that, while moving a photo Carrie'd inadvertently left out (Seema had asked that all personal items be out of sight), the glass had broken. She acts like it's not a big deal and says she'll just replace the glass. However, to Carrie, this is anything but a small deal. It's a photo of her and her late husband; this photo had sat by his side of the bed, and he had touched the glass many times. So to Carrie, even the glass is not replaceable. This feels so realistic to me. When someone you love dearly dies, things they owned, things they touched, places you spent time together—they become infused with this extra meaning they might not've for you had before. Once-ordinary things become irrevocably precious.</p><p style="text-align: left;">Carrie calls Seema on what she perceives as her insensitivity, and Seema assures Carrie that she had no intention of being insensitive. Carrie responds that it seems that way anyway. This exchange is so timely. I think one of the biggest things that becoming aware of societal injustices has taught me and something that I think I'm seeing much more in the culture than I used to is: It's not just about a person's intention in saying or doing something. It's about the impact. <i>Impact matters more than intent.</i></p><p style="text-align: left;">The next thing Carrie says is, "He's gone, it's broken, and no one can fix it." And if that doesn't just sum it all up....<br /></p><p style="text-align: left;">After assuring Carrie again that she's truly sorry and had no intention of being insensitive, Seema says, "Sometimes, people aren't aware of how insensitive they may seem. And I guess today that could apply to me. Or to you...the other day." Carrie says, "Me? How was I insensitive?" Seema reminds her that she'd said, "It's great you're still putting yourself out there." Carrie doesn't say anything, but she tilts her head a bit like...Huh? So Seema repeats it, "Well, it's great you're <i>still</i> putting yourself out there" (emphasis hers). And then she paraphrases what she thinks Carrie might have been implying, "Good for you, Seema, trying to find yourself a man to marry after all those years of no luck." And now their previous exchange is reversed: Carrie says she hadn't meant it that way, and Seema replies that that's how she'd heard it.</p><p style="text-align: left;">But the real kicker for me in this conversation comes next: Seema bravely admits: "If I'm being really honest, maybe you have a point, Carrie. Maybe there's a little part of me that doesn't feel sorry for you, 'cause at least you found the love of your life and you had him for many wonderful years. And in my eyes, that is something worth still putting yourself out there for." Ohhh man. I feel this. I <i>sooo</i> feel this. As much as <a href="https://aroadlesstraveledblog.blogspot.com/search/label/Camp%20Widow" target="_blank">my widowed community</a> means to me, I'd be lying if I said I didn't envy a lot of them, the ones who got to marry their partner, the ones who got to have that particular dream come true. I wish I could say that wasn't true. But it is.</p><p style="text-align: left;">Carrie says she agrees, and the two of them just look at each other for a minute, and then Carrie offers Seema some of the food she'd brought with her. And soon, they're laughing. "And just like that, we began our real friendship." Which I thought was a beautiful way to end that scene and the episode.</p><p style="text-align: left;">While I was watching that scene for the first time, it hit me: I relate to <i>both</i> sides of this conversation. I know what it is to <a href="http://www.conniewinch.com/ron" target="_blank">lose the man</a> I thought I'd spend my life with. <i>And</i> I know what it is to be in my early 50s and so far, despite many attempts, not having "found love" (with the exception of the one who died, of course). The other difference with me is...I'm not putting myself out there anymore. I got ghosted one too many times (note: <i>once is too many</i>) and told myself I couldn't do it anymore. I don't know yet whether the moratorium is permanent.</p><p style="text-align: left;">Anyway, I'll say a bunch more about this, especially about Seema, in <a href="https://aroadlesstraveledblog.blogspot.com/2022/01/ajlt-ifeelsoseen-2.html.html" target="_blank">Part 2</a>.</p>Conniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05882630042530182501noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9002436869422456383.post-74855230860272161032021-09-19T21:03:00.012-04:002021-09-20T20:15:07.423-04:00Circumstances (In Memory of Tamera Cramer)<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhHDxqcyu5gE_KJpiS3KlMGX7s9Y8JFbhRg1c37ScwR-BYPulzLxr_9jbME-XTQXUxZni1-bRqJ52FfdfIAZivhaPtjjE8OI7dI-XlXGXVsT3TwzAjS7pofjd519PKRMLE0piJvALMWTimk/s1072/IMG_0158croppedenhanced.jpg" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1072" data-original-width="971" height="253" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhHDxqcyu5gE_KJpiS3KlMGX7s9Y8JFbhRg1c37ScwR-BYPulzLxr_9jbME-XTQXUxZni1-bRqJ52FfdfIAZivhaPtjjE8OI7dI-XlXGXVsT3TwzAjS7pofjd519PKRMLE0piJvALMWTimk/w228-h253/IMG_0158croppedenhanced.jpg" width="228" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Tamera, Cramer, <br />February 26, 1958<span id="docs-internal-guid-84bc8c85-7fff-0a19-dfdc-e044cc1badcc"><span style="font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">–September 18, 2021</span></span><span></span><br /></td></tr></tbody></table><p>I'm pondering a new circumstance today, namely that my friend Tamera Cramer suddenly and unexpectedly left us last night. 😢 </p><p>Tamera and I met at a board games Meetup, and from there we began hanging out on our own, usually meeting for dinner and maybe a movie. We bonded over things like our shared identity and experiences as single, middle-aged women, our shared appreciation of writing and of good grammar, our shared battle with clutter, and our shared love of books and of certain cultural phenomena (<i><a href="https://www.facebook.com/connieesther/posts/10159299132886704" target="_blank">Star Trek</a></i> being a prime example). One of the things I remember most about Tamera is how unapologetically she was "into" all the things she was into--which were many. </p><p>Mentioning the clutter monster reminds me of a funny story: One time when I was helping her declutter in preparation for a move, we suddenly heard an ice cream truck playing <i>We Wish You a Merry Christmas</i>--in May! We had a laugh over that one. And then yesterday, after I shared that story with her friends on a Facebook group text, two of us, myself and another friend, almost simultaneously heard ice cream trucks--in different locations. Take that for what you will, but to my mind, sometimes such things are too serendipitous to be anything but a sign. </p><p>But the real reason for this post, beyond "just" honoring Tamera, is that last night I rediscovered that she once asked me to review a story she'd written. I'm sorry to say I didn't complete that task while she was still alive. But I have now; you'll find it below.</p><p><i>Tamera: Thank you for your friendship. Here's your story finally. </i><i>I'm sorry it took me so long.</i><i> I've blended and lightly edited the two versions you shared with me. I hope you like what I did with it.</i></p><p style="text-align: center;"><i>* * *</i></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-bottom: 14pt; margin-top: 14pt; text-align: center;"><span style="white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: helvetica;">Circumstances
<i>by Tamera Cramer</i></span></span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-bottom: 14pt; margin-top: 14pt; text-align: left;"><span style="white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: helvetica;"> Gary stood at the front room window, looking down at the bullet casing he slowly twined through his fingers. He could still hear the reverberations of the gun volleys even though they'd left the cemetery more than an hour ago. He thought about how solemn the men from the VFW had been at the graveside as they fired the weapons, folded the flag, and handed him and the family the bullet casings. The sergeant had explained all the protocol to him and nudged him when he needed to respond to something. The odd thought passed through his mind about how formal protocols were called “pomp and circumstance.” That led to him thinking about his circumstances.
Just what were his circumstances? He started to take an inventory. Looking out the window, he used the bullet to count off on his fingers:
</span></span></p><ol style="text-align: left;"><li><span style="font-family: helvetica;"><span style="white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: helvetica;">He was single for the first time in 11 years and had no idea how to be nor did he want to be.</span></span></span></li><li><span style="font-family: helvetica;"><span style="white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: helvetica;">He was in good health except for ten excess pounds he should really lose.</span></span></span></li><li><span style="font-family: helvetica;"><span style="white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: helvetica;">He was the father of a beautiful, healthy five year old, Hannah, who kept asking when they could get a puppy, how many Sesame Streets till Mommy would come home from the Afghan place and, lately, why he was sad.</span></span></span></li><li><span style="font-family: helvetica;"><span style="font-family: helvetica; white-space: pre-wrap;">He owned a house that until just a few days ago had been a home but that now felt empty and hollow, even though it would shortly be paid off when the insurance money came through. Thank you, Uncle Sam. The proverbial farm is bought.</span></span></li></ol><p></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-bottom: 14pt; margin-top: 14pt; text-align: left;"><span style="white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: helvetica;"> He moved the bullet to the other hand so he could continue counting. Before he began, he felt a hand on his arm. Turning, he looked into his mother's concerned eyes. At the edge of his field of vision, he saw others in the room turning to look at him and whispering to one another.
In a whisper, she said, “Gary, Honey, please come and eat something.” She tugged on his arm, and he allowed her to lead him across to the dining room.
Why did everyone have to whisper everything to him? Were they afraid that if they used normal voices, he'd break into pieces? Everyone walked softly and whispered. They whispered to him and about him to each other. Everything was quiet and soft. He felt like he was beginning to go a little crazy.
When they reached the table packed with the “covered dishes” and deli trays, his mother picked up a plate and began filling it with food, occasionally asking his preferences. He mumbled answers with little thought to what he was saying. There in the middle of the table sat Lisa's picture. Correction: it was a picture of Lieutenant Parker. Lisa was the girl who he fell in love with. When the plate was full, he told his mother thanks and moved into the kitchen.
His brother-in-law, Frank, and his friend, Alex, were hanging out, drinking beers and talking nerd tech. He walked over to stand next to them, placing the plate next to the sink and turning toward the men leaning against the counter. In his peripheral vision, he saw the other two men glance at the plate and then at each other.
“Hey, Gary, you really should try some of that food. Lorie brought it from her catering company, and it's really good stuff. I know these beef roll-ups are really terrific.” Frank grabbed one off the plate as he spoke.
“Oh yeah, and the shrimp chorizo on a stick have a bit of a kick. Hey, I rhymed!” Alex laughed and in an almost-normal voice said, “You should have seen the faces Hannah and little Andrew made when they bit into one of them.”
Gary, again playing with the bullet casing, smiled slightly as he imagined the two cousins. Lisa would have loved it. She had always encouraged Hannah to eat everything and try anything new. Looking back down at his hands, Gary noticed that the bullet end of the casing left an odd circular, flower-like pattern in his fingertips as he pressed it into the flesh. He thought this was odd. He'd always assumed bullet casings would be perfectly round.
Lisa's best friend, Gwen, came into the kitchen, carrying two large boxes. She and her husband, Marty, often double dated with Gary and Lisa.
“Well, here you are.” Gary sighed a little as she spoke. Gwen too was whispering.
“I hope you don't mind, but I made, or at least tried to duplicate, Lisa's chocolate fudge cupcakes. Mine always come out just a little off. I guess I just don't have that same touch of love Lisa brought to all of her baking.” Gwen sniffed a little.
Gary gave another slight smile. He knew what was wrong with Gwen's cupcakes. They would never be right. Lisa never gave away her real recipes. She always kept something secret. In this case it was a few small drops of Irish cream flavoring.
Gwen cleared her throat. “And, Gary, I hope this doesn't upset you, but I gave the cupcakes a special decoration, something for everyone to take with them.”
Gary stared at Gwen. Was she serious? A party favor from a wake? Where did she think she was? Did she not understand what was going on?
He watched her open the top box and take out two of the pastries. They had little signs on toothpicks sticking up out of their tops. Gary noticed Frank and Alex look at the cakes, then at each with their eyes widening. They both opened their mouths as if they wanted to say something, but, looking between the cupcakes, Gwen, Gary, and each other, they stopped. They seemed to not know what words to use.
Gary reached over and took one of the cupcakes, turning it so it faced him. The room seemed to become even quieter, if that were possible. The sign showed Lisa's name, the dates her life began and ended, and a quote, “The best kind of friend is the one you could sit on a porch with, never saying a word, and walk away feeling like that was the best conversation you've ever had.” Putting the bullet casing down on the counter, he turned the little sign around and looked into the face of Lisa. It was one of his favorite pictures of her. Gwen had taken it one night when the two couples had gone to a stand-up comedian competition in the park. The poster showed a gleeful woman with her head tilted back and a smile so broad, her face looked like it would split in two. She'd laughed so hard that night that she'd gone running for the Port-a Potty after only two contestants.
“Gary, is it alright?” Gwen was staring at him, looking like she was about to cry if he was unhappy. He looked down at the cupcake and then back at Gwen. Gary smiled at her, and her body relaxed. “I'm so glad you like it. I thought this would be a nice way to remember her and give everyone something to share.” She began unpacking all the cupcakes and putting them on platters. Frank and Alex moved in to help. The men told her this was really sweet and helped her carry the platters into the dining room.
Gary, looking at the cupcake in his hand, removed the picture stick from it and then took a bite. Yep, it was missing the secret ingredient. Maybe he should be kind and let Gwen in on the secret. He straightened up from the counter and turned toward the bullet casing, reaching to pick it up. He stopped midway and looked at the cupcake again. Reaching instead toward the cupcake, he plucked the little sign out and placed it in the casing. He moved to the sink and set it on the window sill. He smiled at his wife's picture and returned to the living room.</span></span></p>Conniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05882630042530182501noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9002436869422456383.post-21536532588585826712020-05-04T06:55:00.005-04:002023-12-01T00:21:03.757-05:00How Rachel Held Evans Helped Me Lose My Faith—And Why I Think She'd be OK With It<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxTrf8p1mMTWoX9g_tM-kykg0zXmyWuge_0BS1mXCHxxmZtZV9XvihpNSW63HWvjvrzDHNbSdWqHDJ99IUzXh5EQKYT5AoZ8Xv5PvQboRQ-9KLPerKR2jsRg3D263R9Ge6m_KMt-Pfrp4X/s1600/IMG_3714cropped.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1244" data-original-width="1600" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxTrf8p1mMTWoX9g_tM-kykg0zXmyWuge_0BS1mXCHxxmZtZV9XvihpNSW63HWvjvrzDHNbSdWqHDJ99IUzXh5EQKYT5AoZ8Xv5PvQboRQ-9KLPerKR2jsRg3D263R9Ge6m_KMt-Pfrp4X/" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">With Rachel at Ohio Wesleyan University on November 7, 2014.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />I still remember how I heard the news, one year ago today: I was sitting up in bed after sleeping in on a Saturday morning and scrolling through Facebook on my phone...when I saw the news that made me gasp in disbelief.<div><br /></div><div><a href="https://rachelheldevans.com/">Rachel Held Evans</a> was gone.</div><div><br /></div><div>I had heard she had taken ill, that she'd been hospitalized, that she was in fact in a coma. But I remember not having been <i>too</i> concerned. I'm sure I assumed she would pull through. <i>We never think it's going to happen to the people we care about.</i> </div><div><br /></div><div>What I don't remember (as I <a href="https://aroadlesstraveledblog.blogspot.com/2013/10/rachel-held-evans-and-me.html">wrote</a> in 2013) is exactly how I first discovered Rachel (though I suspect it was Twitter). But as I read her first two books, <i><a href="https://rachelheldevans.com/faith-unraveled">Evolving in Monkey Town</a></i> (now sold as <i>Faith Unraveled</i>) and <i><a href="https://rachelheldevans.com/biblical-womanhood">A Year of Biblical Womanhood</a></i>, and her <a href="https://rachelheldevans.com/blog">blog</a>, her voice became a <a href="https://aroadlesstraveledblog.blogspot.com/2014/05/in-defense-of-little-social-media.html">welcome influence on my thinkig</a>. </div><div><br /></div><div>She was a believer...who also had doubts, and wasn't afraid to express them. (Or if she was afraid, she shared them anyway.) She tackled tough Bible passages and tough issues. She called out the evangelical church on its bullshit. She cared about social justice and actively used her platform and influence to lift up the voices of the marginalized. And she did it all with such grace and humor. I believe the word "winsome" applies.</div><div><br /></div><div><div>When she gave voice to her doubts, she was, without knowing it, also giving voice to mine. She made her blog a safe place to share those doubts, and she never once responded to me judgmentally. And I came to learn firsthand that she treated those whose doubts led them to different places than hers had...as <a href="https://aroadlesstraveledblog.blogspot.com/2013/10/rachel-held-evans-and-me.html#kindredspirit">kindred spirits</a>, even. In fact, when <a href="https://aroadlesstraveledblog.blogspot.com/2013/10/rachel-held-evans-and-me.html">I met her in person for the first time</a>, she acted like we were already legit, IRL friends. She could not have been nicer to me. (And later, when I tweeted a link to the post I'd written about meeting her, she not only retweeted it, she also included in her next <a href="https://rachelheldevans.com/blog/sunday-superlatives-10-13-13?rq=sunday%20superlatives">"Sunday Superlatives" post</a> a sweet word about meeting me, a link to that post, and the photo we'd taken together. Incidentally, her sharing links to my post led to its views skyrocketing; it remains my most-viewed post of all time by far.)</div><div><br /></div><div>And during the second—and as it turned out, final—time we met (photo above), we got to spend a little time together, just the two of us. And when I told her that I'd become agnostic, she didn't flinch or judge me or try to pressure me to change. <i>She simply continued treating me like a friend.</i></div><div><br /></div><div>In the years between that meeting and her passing, I got to the place where I wasn't really seeking out Christian content anymore (and Rachel's work wasn't any exception). I had largely moved on. But I still valued her voice and how she was continuing to use it. </div><div><br /></div><div>After she passed, I read <i>many</i> articles about her and about her death—straightforward news pieces, obituaries, and some of the numerous tributes posted by friends and fans alike. I read quite a bit of the <a href="https://twitter.com/search?q=%23BecauseOfRHE&src=typed_query&f=live">#BecauseOfRHE</a> hashtag. And I was surprised that among all of that I found not one mention of how, in addition to helping many people retain or return to their faith, she helped others eventually leave faith altogether and become OK with it, to become OK with, in my case, uncertainty.</div><div><br /></div><div>And while my life is far from perfect, I am <i>so</i> glad to be free of religion, to have a vastly different—and <i>more </i>benevolent—view of the world than I did before. I believe there's a higher power, but I don't know what form it takes or what it looks like. And I no longer think it matters if I get it "right." Nor do I believe any longer that I'll be punished if I don't.</div><div><br /></div><div>And, as it turns out, I am not alone. </div><div><br /></div><div>From <a href="https://www.facebook.com/missy.hunsberger.7/posts/10156914236252420?hc_location=ufi">Missy Hunsberger</a>, "She gave me permission....":</div><div><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>"This book [<i>A Year of Biblical Womanhood</i>] gave me permission to see the Bible in a different light...."</li><li>"She gave me permission to be angry. To be bold. To express that anger."</li><li>"She gave me permission to be proud of my vote for <a href="http://www.hillaryclinton.com/">Hilary Clinton</a>... all I can think about when I see <a href="https://www.facebook.com/rachelheldevans.page/photos/a.10150102653724442/10154368652109442/?type=3&theater">that picture</a> being shared of her everywhere, is that this was the picture she posted when she wrote about all the reasons why she voted for Clinton and not Trump. There was a time I believed you couldn't vote Democrat AND be a Christian. She helped me see past that." [links mine]</li><li>"She gave me permission to be angry at the church and to take some [time] away if that's what I needed. She made me feel like I wasn't alone."</li><li>"Perhaps most importantly, she gave me permission to believe that being gay was okay. I was largely there, but she gave me permission to go all the way, even before I knew my own queerness."</li><li>In <i>Faith Unraveled</i>, "She spoke the words to so many of my questions in this book. I don't even know if she answered any of them, but the importance of someone writing down and also wrestling with these same questions was invaluable to me. She gave me permission to question."</li><li>"She also gave me permission to walk away. She didn't shame me, question me, and she wasn't concerned for my soul. She trusted my journey, my hurt, my disbelief and she understood.</li></ul><div><br /></div></div></div><div>From <a href="https://matchlessmarie.wordpress.com/2019/05/10/hoping-for-something-to-hope-for-becauseofrhe/?fbclid=IwAR07Hf-hkwNrlc-zA4FVNC373VnR1dV-lvNOf_LRUGBsjWu8JKskq6TIhrY">Amanda Marie Salas</a>:<br /><br /></div><blockquote><div>Rachel was a lifeline.... As I delved into her work I was so hesitant because I had been warned about the likes of her. About the slippery slope I was about to go down if I listened to her. I heard all about the dangers of too much love and too much grace.... I didn’t think I would have the audacity to take such a leap [leaving church], but reading <i>Searching for Sunday: Loving, Leaving, and Finding the Church</i> that Spring gave us the push we needed to leave by Summer. It’s been three years since we left that world behind and we haven’t looked back.... The last part of the subtitle in <i>Searching for Sunday</i> reads <i>Finding the Church.</i> I don’t know if that will ever happen for us. If it does, I know it will be because Rachel laid the groundwork by leaving guideposts along the way of what is possible when the toxicity of evangelicalism is removed from the equation. She left behind hope that those of us who feel hopeless don’t have to wait for the religious establishment to offer us a seat at the table. We can offer it to each other here– now.<br /></div></blockquote><div><br /><br /></div><div>From <a href="https://twitter.com/sharideth">Sharideth Smith</a>:</div>
<blockquote class="twitter-tweet" data-conversation="none" data-theme="dark"><p dir="ltr" lang="en">She is somewhat responsible for my atheism. She made it safe for me to question and I just took it a little too far like I do everything else. But she never judged me for it. She loved and laughed with me through all my weirdness. I miss her so much.</p>— Sharideth Smith (@sharideth) <a href="https://twitter.com/sharideth/status/1255798406653579269?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">April 30, 2020</a></blockquote> <script async="" charset="utf-8" src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script><div><br /></div><br />And from my friend <a href="https://wildwitchwoman.com/">Ashleigh Miller</a>:<br /><br /><blockquote><div>I can’t tell you the exact moment I found her; all I can tell you is that her life and blog changed my life. I have always seemed to live in the in between. Rachel was the first person I encountered that seemed to do the same. Her blog and the community she created gave me hope.</div><div><br /></div><div> Growing up in a conservative Mennonite community, questions were not encouraged from anyone and much less so from women. I always had them. When I found her blog, I remember thinking, "You mean other people think these things, have these questions?" The peace that came with that was incredible. Later in my deconstruction, she helped me to feel so sure that the god I was raised to believe in was not who god is. I remember an epiphany I had that year: I admitted that if that god did exist, I didn’t want to spend eternity with him.</div><div> </div><div>Meeting her and hearing her speak was one of the great privileges of my life. I got this opportunity on three separate occasions, the last of which was at the very first Evolving Faith Conference. The blessing of seeing her preach boldly with a baby on her hip is something I will always cherish. This was also the place where she gave me permission to admit that I was no longer a Christian. I remember walking up to take communion, knowing that it was my last, at least for now. The inclusion she strove for was so incredible and inspiring and it gave someone like me so much hope and joy, even as I grieved for the things I was letting go of. The things I no longer needed.</div><div><br /></div><div>The day I heard she had died, I wept. The world lost someone so important, and there would be no one else like her. I lost someone so impactful to my journey and my deconstruction. <a href="https://danieljonce.com/">Dan</a> lost his partner. But mostly I grieved for her babies. These two beautiful littles that now had to grow up without their momma. The trauma I knew too well that touched their lives. It was May 4th when she passed on; it was May 12th twenty-four years before that my papa passed, when I was five. This loss for her babies brought my own loss more to my mind than it had in some time. I’m so glad that they have access to things I never did. So many tangible ways to remember her, so many people to share her legacy. So today I do grieve for my loss, for the world's loss, but especially her family's and those babies' loss.</div><div><br /></div><div> Rachel, thank you for all you are and all you gave to the world; thank you for all you gave to me. I wish so much you could be with your littles. You are a woman of valor. May the Fourth be with you. Blessed Be.</div></blockquote><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>Rachel: You will always have a place as a major signpost along my journey. I'm not sure if I ever told you this. So I'm telling you now: <i>Thank you.</i> I don't know if I'd be where I am without you. You are and will continue to be sorely missed.</div><div><br /></div>Conniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05882630042530182501noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9002436869422456383.post-49999950090133609112020-03-18T00:27:00.000-04:002020-03-18T00:41:18.145-04:00#ThingsYouCanDo to Gain Some Calm<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgdJWWg0OYcfD52RrjI8LXKHpP1h-bdwCLANmkNLnzsf_jRA7-rGH0YjdC6t8WAghaX1u_IpQTM835JSSbfbaaZdVuw-9rsM99zcq4N3HP5gtw60McPDb3EWVu3uWlQDf077V81psP2uExt/s1600/person-on-a-bridge-near-a-lake-747964.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1011" data-original-width="1600" height="404" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgdJWWg0OYcfD52RrjI8LXKHpP1h-bdwCLANmkNLnzsf_jRA7-rGH0YjdC6t8WAghaX1u_IpQTM835JSSbfbaaZdVuw-9rsM99zcq4N3HP5gtw60McPDb3EWVu3uWlQDf077V81psP2uExt/s640/person-on-a-bridge-near-a-lake-747964.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Photo by <a href="https://www.pexels.com/@simonmigaj?utm_content=attributionCopyText&utm_medium=referral&utm_source=pexels" target="_blank">Simon Migaj</a> on <a href="https://www.pexels.com/photo/person-on-a-bridge-near-a-lake-747964/?utm_content=attributionCopyText&utm_medium=referral&utm_source=pexels" target="_blank">Pexels</a></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
These days are trying for sure, and even during better times, many struggle with anxiety. So of course being in the middle of a global pandemic, while bringing new worries for some, only adds to the worries of others. And then of course there's the fear to deal with....<br />
<br />
So how can we gain at least some measure of calm? (Note I didn't say <i>become </i>calm or <i>get rid of </i>anxiety. 'Cause I tend to think that's promising a bit too much.)<br />
<br />
There are many ways; I'll just share a few here. But first I should say that many people need medication to best treat their anxiety, and if you even suspect that you're one of them, please consult a doctor. This post will not give medical advice; the following are just some things that have helped me and that have the potential to help you as well.<br />
<ul>
<li><b>Do some relaxing breathing exercises,</b> like the "<a href="https://www.drweil.com/videos-features/videos/breathing-exercises-4-7-8-breath/" target="_blank">4-7-8 Breath</a>."</li>
<li><b>Listen to relaxing music.</b> Music is the one thing that most saves my life. I've created a Spotify playlist (see below) of what I call "transcendent" music. It's the kind that if you take a break, perhaps lie down, press play, and close your eyes,...you're almost guaranteed to feel better it's done.<br /><br />
<iframe allow="encrypted-media" allowtransparency="true" frameborder="0" height="380" src="https://open.spotify.com/embed/playlist/0QdpECSHSc53gaF0Lay9mz" width="300"></iframe>
<br /><br />At least...you are if you enjoy this kind of music. But if this kind of thing isn't your taste, there's no shortage of music designed to calm and soothe. Just type "calming" or "relaxing" into Spotify or your favorite player, and you're sure to have an abundance of choice.<br /><br />Also, <a href="https://soundstrue.com/store/jeffrey-thompson-5379.html" target="_blank">Dr. Jeffrey Thompson</a>, an expert in how sound affects the body, has created <a href="https://open.spotify.com/artist/3HFX3D2Wi05rw9vImD5bbO?si=lS-AAJ7nS6OgRVPV2CwoUg" target="_blank">many album<span id="goog_1982120231"></span><span id="goog_1982120232"></span>s</a>' worth of music that includes specific frequencies to have certain effects, many of which include relaxation.</li>
<li><b>Do some yoga.</b> Many kinds of yoga are relaxing, and there are myriad yoga resources out there. One of my favorites is Yoga With Adriene. Adriene Mishler has been sharing yoga routines on YouTube for ages, and she has developed quite a following. Here is her <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bJJWArRfKa0&list=PLui6Eyny-UzxO26jdbw2TPHcbRDKmFtZf" target="_blank">Yoga for Anxiety playlist</a>, and I've embedded the first video from it below. Enjoy.<br /><br />
<iframe allow="accelerometer; autoplay; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture" allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/bJJWArRfKa0" width="560"></iframe>
</li>
</ul>
Conniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05882630042530182501noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9002436869422456383.post-87231237870480134662020-03-15T22:23:00.002-04:002022-02-06T22:08:56.638-05:00#ThingsYouCanDo to Stay (Reliably!) Informed About #COVID19One of the biggest problems in the United States right now, even before the COVID-19 pandemic, was and is the sheer amount of misinformation floating around and the resulting confusion and, even worse, the flat-out denial of the seriousness of this virus and the attendant flouting of orders and other protective measures that are being put in place or recommended.<br />
<br />
So how can we learn true facts about the virus and stay updated on what's going on? Well, I think it's important to listen to scientists and especially the ones who specialize in this stuff. I mean...science isn't perfect (it's always learning, after all), but its method is specifically designed to determine what is objectively true. And on the whole, scientists are <i>not</i> out to mislead people.<br />
<br />
Fortunately, there's no shortage of science-based coronavirus information out there.<br />
<br />
Here are the governmental and NGO sources I trust the most, with a link to each organization's COVID-19 home page:<br />
<ul>
<li>The <a href="https://www.who.int/emergencies/diseases/novel-coronavirus-2019" target="_blank">World Health Organization</a><br /></li>
<li>The U.S. <a href="https://www.cdc.gov/coronavirus/2019-nCoV/index.html" target="_blank">Centers for Disease Control and Prevention</a><br /></li>
<li>The <a href="https://www.canada.ca/en/public-health/services/diseases/coronavirus-disease-covid-19.html" target="_blank">Public Health Agency of Canada</a><br /></li>
</ul>
And here are a couple of specialists I trust:<br />
<ul>
<li><a href="https://www.cnn.com/profiles/sanjay-gupta-profile" target="_blank">Dr. Sanjay Gupta</a>, CNN's Cheif Medical Correspondent, has a new podcast, <a href="https://www.cnn.com/audio/podcasts/corona-virus" target="_blank">Coronavirus: Fact vs. Fiction</a>. (If you want to listen from the very first episode, scroll to the bottom of that page and click "Show more episodes" until you see the one called "Introducing Coronavirus: Fact vs. Fiction.")<br /><br />
</li>
<li>Michael Olesen is a personal friend, a fantastic human, and an epidemiologist who works in disaster response preparedness. I trust him implicitly, and clearly, he is in a position to know whereof he speaks on this topic. He blogs at <a href="https://icemsg.wordpress.com/" target="_blank">IP/EM/Safety</a>.<br /></li>
</ul>
Listen to the experts, friends. That's what they're there for.<br /><br /><ul>
</ul>
Conniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05882630042530182501noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9002436869422456383.post-78130189867460654682020-03-15T19:04:00.000-04:002020-03-16T16:02:43.364-04:00#ThingsYouCanDo to Protect Yourself Against Getting #CoronaVirusYou can read the introduction to this series <a href="https://aroadlesstraveledblog.blogspot.com/2020/03/thingsyoucando-during-covid19-pandemic.html" target="_blank">here</a>.<br />
<br />
The following are things everyone should already know and be doing, but I'm starting with the basics.<br />
<br />
<ol>
<li>Frequently wash your hands or use a hand sanitizer.<br /><br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLlXne2ZJVYMbMBgJP6JoJ3Hzrw_HV5SxeoUTmcDKVoN7QOPYwmsOejqLUnk2SysYJklugDNpR7ff6dS5jZB0wX1Cn3ZqnliJsThZ0dhQEwZsb59WFD8su51eyocAPPR7gBeYwSoZb995h/s1600/blue-2.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; text-align: center;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLlXne2ZJVYMbMBgJP6JoJ3Hzrw_HV5SxeoUTmcDKVoN7QOPYwmsOejqLUnk2SysYJklugDNpR7ff6dS5jZB0wX1Cn3ZqnliJsThZ0dhQEwZsb59WFD8su51eyocAPPR7gBeYwSoZb995h/s400/blue-2.png" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Graphic courtesy of the World Health Organization.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
</li>
<li>When you cough or sneeze, cover your mouth with a flexed elbow (not your hand), or use a tissue and then immediately discard the tissue into a closed bin.</li>
<li>Avoid close contact with anyone who has a fever and cough.</li>
<li>If you have a fever, a cough, and difficulty breathing, seek medical care early, and be sure to tell your medical providers about any recent travel. If you have only mild respiratory symptoms do 1-3 and stay home until you've recovered.</li>
<li>Maintain social distancing--at least 3 feet--between you and anyone coughing or sneezing.</li>
<li>Avoid touching your eyes, nose, and mouth.</li>
<li>Stay informed and follow any and all advice given by your healthcare providers. (Trustworthy sources of ongoing coronavirus information will be the subject of my next #ThingsYouCanDo post.)</li>
</ol>
Source: <a href="https://www.who.int/" target="_blank">World Health Organization</a>, specifically <a href="https://www.who.int/emergencies/diseases/novel-coronavirus-2019/advice-for-public?fbclid=IwAR2sPWK9PR2MhNtEYLTW4UzxjqxK4La2MX1yfzwXR_i4g1OJJI9mcZMV0YY" target="_blank">this page</a>, which also gives they "why" to several of the above.<br />
<br />
<br />Conniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05882630042530182501noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9002436869422456383.post-15510795642078991582020-03-15T17:51:00.000-04:002020-03-15T17:51:39.732-04:00#ThingsYouCanDo (During #COVID19 Pandemic): A SeriesSo the thought occurred to me recently that I could perhaps be of help during the #COVID19 #pandemic by sharing what I'll call "Things You Can Do."<br />
<br />
Often when times are tough, the crisis in and of itself is bad enough. But what makes it even worse are feelings like fear, anxiety, and helplessness that accompany it. And now we are social distancing, which while necessary, brings its own set of challenges.<br />
<br />
However, having concrete things that we can do can help us feel better, which can help us better navigate these challenging times.<br />
<br />
So in the spirit of using my skills to help others...I'm pretty good at looking things up online, writing, and using social media, so I thought, why not find and share...things you can do? Things you can do to respond to the pandemic, to take care of yourself and others, to help fill your/others' days if that's now a need. Things like that.<br />
<br />
I plan to post at least one thing/set of things per day for the foreseeable future. When I use sources, I will use trustworthy ones and cite/link to them. When I'm sharing opinion or hearsay, I will label it as such.<br />
<br />
I'll hashtag all such posts with #ThingsYouCanDo. (So if you ever want to see all the posts so far, just click on the hashtag link.) They'll be public, and you're free to share them.<br />
<br />
How does that sound?<br />
<br />
First (substantive) post coming soon.Conniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05882630042530182501noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9002436869422456383.post-21156650226818915152019-05-07T23:47:00.000-04:002019-05-08T14:37:40.681-04:00#ConniesYearOfSelfCare2019 Part 2<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhwaVHMy74YNNihcJJlWYhaGoRx55vN21-8n3if06LhGGXxxHGGF0eXiXV33co3aGDvI59xIGcqxXeiyOavwYb1I2GWwpYVZ1lQiy0TKQxeGwC7tDXZ1TBNqy5exRM-B1TF40YlRhDuxmBB/s1600/checklist-composition-handwriting-1226398.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="900" data-original-width="1600" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhwaVHMy74YNNihcJJlWYhaGoRx55vN21-8n3if06LhGGXxxHGGF0eXiXV33co3aGDvI59xIGcqxXeiyOavwYb1I2GWwpYVZ1lQiy0TKQxeGwC7tDXZ1TBNqy5exRM-B1TF40YlRhDuxmBB/s320/checklist-composition-handwriting-1226398.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Photo by <a href="https://www.pexels.com/@suzyhazelwood?utm_content=attributionCopyText&utm_medium=referral&utm_source=pexels">Suzy Hazelwood</a> from <a href="https://www.pexels.com/photo/notebook-1226398/?utm_content=attributionCopyText&utm_medium=referral&utm_source=pexels">Pexels</a></span></td></tr>
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In <a href="https://aroadlesstraveledblog.blogspot.com/2019/01/conniesyearofselfcare2019-part-1.html" target="_blank">Part 1</a> I talked about how I came to make self care my theme for 2019 and how I was allowing myself time to figure out exactly what I wanted that to mean. I also mentioned that I was writing about it mostly to keep it top of mind, because I've struggled with that in the past.<br />
<br />
Well, I have good news on both fronts. I now have a list of habits, essentially, that I had already started and want to continue, that I want to improve upon, or that I want to even start in the first place...and that I believe will contribute to improving my health. More on that later.<br />
<br />
Also, remarkably, self care has stayed top of mind so far. I honestly think the biggest reason is that I changed my Facebook cover photo to the graphic that accompanied Part 1. You don't see your own profile photo as often as you look at others', but I've found myself going back to my own profile to look for something often enough that I end up thinking "oh right, self care!" relatively frequently. I also put a reminder in my phone for the first of every month: "This year is about self care!" So...better living through technology, I guess!<br />
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So...here's the habit list, broken down by minimum frequency. (What I'm not going to do is say—at least yet—how well I'm doing on each of these. I gotta have some secrets. ;)</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br />
<b>Twice daily</b><br />
Taking supplements<br />
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<b>Daily</b></div>
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Walking or other exercise</div>
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Dental care</div>
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Skin care</div>
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Meditation</div>
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Reading</div>
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<b>Twice Weekly</b><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">Stretching</span><br />
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<b>Weekly</b></div>
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Acupuncture</div>
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Yoga</div>
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Creative hobby (such as coloring, music, calligraphy/lettering, photography)</div>
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<b>Monthly</b></div>
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<a href="https://aroadlesstraveledblog.blogspot.com/2018/09/i-have-to-believe-it.html" target="_blank">Reiki</a></div>
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Massage</div>
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<b>Yearly</b></div>
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Vacation</div>
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There's probably more that could be added to this list. But these are my focus, at least for now.</div>
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Next time I'll have to share about a workshop I attended in January. Its content seriously has the potential to change my life. Some workshops you don't end up getting much out of, but not this one! I mean, it's May, and I'm still thinking about it. Stay tuned!Conniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05882630042530182501noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9002436869422456383.post-20731609065675248632019-03-09T19:35:00.000-05:002021-02-13T22:53:03.833-05:00My Conversation With Ta-Nehisi Coates<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="font-size: 12.8px; text-align: center;">The card from Mr. Coates' appearance.<br />
To hear audio of the late <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Olivia_Hooker" target="_blank">Ms. Hooker</a><br />
telling a small part of her story, <a href="https://storycorps.org/stories/olivia-j-hooker/" target="_blank">click here</a>.</td></tr>
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A few weeks ago, I saw that <a href="https://ta-nehisicoates.com/" target="_blank">Ta-Nehisi Coates</a> was coming to town—and got excited. Then I saw that the tickets were free, and I got really excited. I'd read his best-selling and National Book Award-winning <i><a href="https://ta-nehisicoates.com/books/between-the-world-and-me/" target="_blank">Between the World and Me</a></i> in 2017, and it had blown my mind. (You can read my review <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/1496935906?book_show_action=false&from_review_page=1" target="_blank">here</a>.)<br />
<br />
So on a chilly evening in the middle of February, I and a handful of others queued up outside Ohio State's Mershon Auditorium to be among the first to enter and try to obtain the best seats we could.<br />
<br />
Though this was billed as a lecture, there was very little of Mr. Coates standing at the lectern and speaking. After a few opening remarks, he read a bit from <i>Between</i>; then he and Don Pope-Davis (Dean of OSU's College of Education and Human Ecology) sat and had a conversation.<br />
<br />
One of the things that surprised me about Mr. Coates was that he's funnier than I would've expected. I think that's because his writing is often so...<i>heavy.</i> His subject broadly is race in this country—clearly no picnic, and he writes about it with devastating skill.<br />
<br />
After the conversation with Dean Pope-Davis, Mr. Coates took a few questions from the audience. And I came prepared. I'd been wondering for almost 2 years about something he'd written in <i>Between</i>.<br />
<br />
Here is a (slightly-edited version of) what I asked him:<br />
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
In Between the World and Me, you talked about a concept you called what white people were called before they were white. And you named some examples, including some ethnic identity labels. I thought what you might be implying was that everyone who came to this country who was not indigenous to this continent or brought here by force would have done well to continue all along using their original ethnic identity labels and that their descendants now would do well to revert to such labels. So I thought I could start calling myself a German-English-American. But then I thought, well that's kind of unwieldy, so why don't I use "European-American?" But then I mentioned this whole concept to some friends who happened to be very...aware, and they said they were really uncomfortable with that because "European-American" is what certain far-right hate groups call themselves. I was like, "Oooh, I did not know that," and "you will not hear that from me again." But I was left wondering: when I took it there in my head, was that a step too far in terms of what you meant? Or in any case could you expound on that for us?</blockquote>
<br />
In reply, he spoke for several minutes, and I can't reproduce all of that here, but I'll share the points that stood out to me the most:<br />
<ul>
<li><b>Race is <i>power</i> </b>[emphasis mine] <b>and often violence.</b> He postulated that our definitions (in this country) of Black and of White come directly from slavery. Because there's no other, global definition of those terms outside of the enslaved/enslaving experience. He said something I hadn't thought of before, that if he'd been born in another time and/or place, he would very probably have been labeled something else.</li>
<li>He got a laugh (but also meant it seriously, I'm sure) when he said that <b>if <i>en masse</i> the people who believe they are white stopped believing that...it would solve the problem.</b> Two things: If you don't know what we mean by people <i>believing</i> they are white, you need to read <i>Between the World and Me</i>. The other thing I notice is: He said that they would need to stop <i>believing</i> it, not just...stop calling themselves that. Two different things.</li>
<li><b>As an individual, one cannot overturn racism by themselves.</b> This seems obvious, but the reason I'm talking about it here is: that's one thing I wish I'd done in my question, stated that I certainly knew I wasn't going to make any kind of huge impact just by re-labeling myself. I mean, I do remember thinking that I should share the idea with friends and maybe together we could make it "a thing," but in any case I certainly knew that we were not going to upend the whole thing on our own.</li>
<li>As a follow-on from the previous point, he said something that really struck me: that <b>I can no more escape being <i>racially</i> white that he can escape being <i>racially</i> black</b> [emphasis his]. Again, that's not how I viewed it. I didn't think, "This is how I can escape being white!" But this is still a striking thought. We white people cannot get away from the fact of what our forbears did. "What we are bearing is history." And given that my ancestors are (as far as I know) German and English, I'm bearing some pretty heavy history—colonialism and genocide, in addition to slavery. I'd never thought about it in quite this way before. </li>
<li><b>Our ideas about how change happens tend to be very individual; we don't have a concept of generational struggle.</b> We don't tend to hear people talking about their goal being 200 years hence, the whole idea of whiteness would disappear.
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
We don't need people with blue eyes to disappear; we don't need people with blond hair to disappear. We mean: the <i>language that we put</i> and the <i>power that we attribute</i> and the <i>credit we give</i> people simply for the bare fact of having those things.</blockquote>
</li>
<li><b>This year, 2019, is exactly 400 years from the first time captured Africans were delivered to Jamestown, Virginia.</b> "You are bearing 400 years of weight." </li>
<li><b>"There are things that white people can do to be less white."</b> This got a laugh. But he meant it seriously and in the sense that there are things white people can do to not contribute to structural inequality: Don't contribute to the racial divide if you happen to move into a gentrifying neighborhood; for example, don't set up neighborhood chats that only include people who moved into the neighborhood in the last couple of years. Don't start movements to create separate public school districts that "just so happen" to include only residents of a certain class. Don't call the police because homeless people are hanging out in the park..</li>
<li><b>"It's less about what you name yourself right now and more about what you do."</b></li>
</ul>
I'd say it's the last one that's the most important. Labels and the specific words we use for them aren't unimportant, but they aren't nearly as important as what we're doing to contribute to what he called the "generational struggle" of undoing structural inequality. <ul>
</ul>
<div>
What are we <i>doing</i> to truly work toward justice and equality—for all?</div>
Conniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05882630042530182501noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9002436869422456383.post-25411122684495368942019-02-14T10:04:00.000-05:002020-02-11T07:43:13.926-05:00Maybe You Hate This Day<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<div><br></div><div>Maybe you hate this day.</div><br>
Maybe you're seeing all the social media posts from your friends who are clearly in love.<br>
<br>
Maybe you're seeing all the bouquets at work that aren't for you.<br>
<br>
Maybe you went into any store within the last week and felt like you had to walk through a gauntlet of triggers, thanks to hearts everywhere.<br>
<br>
Maybe you're just missing your person that much more today.<br>
<br>
Maybe you had special Valentine's Day memories with your person.<br>
<br>
Maybe you didn't, and today just makes you wish you had.<br>
<br>
Maybe you've never gotten to experience a romantic Valentine's Day in your life.<br>
<br>
Maybe you've never 'had a person' in that way, but you achingly wish for that.<br>
<br>
Maybe you've achingly wished for that for years, and...you'd stop wanting it if you could, but you can never seem to pull that one off.<br>
<br>
Maybe you've started to wonder if it will ever happen for you.<br>
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Maybe this day, as much as you tell yourself you're going to ignore it, breaks through anyway—because our culture is just. so. relentless. with its holidays, and it wears away your resolve to soldier through, unmoved.<br>
<br>
Maybe you know that today, the tears are inevitable.<br>
<br>
If any of this describes you or if today brings any kind of unique pain for you, I want you to know:<br>
<br>
I see you.<br>
I get it.<br>
My heart is with you.<br>
<br>
Your pain is valid. And don't let anyone tell you otherwise—or shame you for feeling it.<br>
You are worthy of love and belonging.<br>
You are not alone.<br>
<br>Conniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05882630042530182501noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9002436869422456383.post-17473597600153074072019-01-17T22:27:00.000-05:002019-01-17T22:31:09.108-05:00#ConniesYearOfSelfCare2019: Part 1<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I can't remember the moment when I began thinking about making this my theme for 2019. I just know I started thinking about it sometime before the start of the new year, and then, on January 1st, I made this graphic and changed my Facebook cover photo to it. I do remember realizing that at the very least, I needed to be taking a lot better care of myself than I presently do.<br />
<br />
The fact that I turn 50 in less than 6 months could also have something to do with it.... ;)<br />
<br />
Then there's always the chronic conditions that are the bane of my existence, namely depression, low energy, and acid reflux, to name the top three. They will get none better (and indeed will probably get worse) if I simply maintain the status quo.<br />
<br />
Anyway, I'm sharing this journey as much to help keep it top of mind as anything else. Because I know from too much experience how difficult it can be to see something through that you start in January. So I figured writing about it could be a way to make it more of a 'thing.'<br />
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The fact that it's a theme and not a resolution is very much on purpose. As I alluded to above, I've done the set-a-resolution-with-too-little-follow-through thing before. (Yeah, not fun when you realize later how poorly a resolution you'd set turned out.) Enough so that for a few years there, I stopped making resolutions and I think for some of those years, didn't even try to think about changing anything in particular. Even though a lot needs to be changed.<br />
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The beautiful thing is that after only a little over two weeks into the new year, I've realized a few things that feel significant.<br />
<br />
First, it dawned on me that <b>I didn't have to figure out the "one right thing"</b> to work on or habit to try to implement or whatever...<b>on or before January 1.</b> I could take some time to figure out what better self care will look like for me in 2019. So...I'm giving myself time to figure it out. I'm letting it be OK that I don't have the entire set of definitive answers—yet.<br />
<br />
I think part of my follow-through problems in the past (well, besides being not great at it generally, lol) was: the more I tied any resolution to the start of a new year, the more I told myself "I'm going to do X <i>every day</i>," the greater the chances, it seemed, that it would fail. I think it just created too much pressure.<br />
<br />
Second, since I started using a self-care journal (second link below) and writing down whatever I'd done in a given day that seemed self-care-ish, I was able to realize: <b>I'm doing more that fits into the self-care category than I'd realized, so it's not like everything is garbage...and maybe I need to cut myself a break.</b> How's that for a revelation.<br />
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The other brilliant (I thought ;) idea I had was to <b><i>during January</i> schedule as many of my self-care appointments for the year as possible.</b> That way they're already set up and I don't have to worry about scheduling any more of them until next year. So—I now have one massage and <a href="https://aroadlesstraveledblog.blogspot.com/2018/09/i-have-to-believe-it.html" target="_blank">reiki</a> appointment each scheduled for every month in 2019. I still need to do the same for an eye doctor appointment and possibly a medical wellness check. I'm also giving acupuncture a real try, but I don't know how long I'll be getting it regularly because I don't know yet how much it's helping me. (It can have a cumulative effect, and I'm still waiting to see if enough good effect will accumulate to make it worth it.)<br />
<br />
Here are some of the other things I've done so far to further my self care in 2019:<br />
<br />
<ul>
<li>Read <i><a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/36187654-the-self-care-project" target="_blank">The Self-Care Project</a></i> by Jayne Hardy (founder and CEO of <a href="https://www.blurtitout.org/" target="_blank">The Blurt Foundation</a>, which provides support and resources to people with depression)</li>
<li>Bought and began using <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/BsMrePFHm9R/" target="_blank">this self-care journal</a> (And by the way, I'm letting it be OK if I don't write in it every single day.)</li>
<li>Divided up my supplements so I can begin taking them twice instead of once a day, for better results (sometimes, it's the little things...)</li>
<li>Set a <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/user_challenges/14890554" target="_blank">reading goal (of 24 books)</a> for the year, finished the one I was reading when the new year started, read a second, started on a third (I joined a book club late last year, so I'm hopeful that will motivate me to choose reading over, say, Netflix more often than I did <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/user/year_in_books/2018/408809" target="_blank">last year</a>)</li>
</ul>
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So...that's where I'm at. Here's to the journey as it unfolds.Conniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05882630042530182501noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9002436869422456383.post-69717601256348387722018-11-11T21:30:00.000-05:002018-11-11T21:30:29.281-05:00Review: The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks<i style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;">Note: This post is part of my occasional series </i><i style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"><a href="http://aroadlesstraveledblog.blogspot.com/search/label/Books" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;" target="_blank">Books That Made a Difference</a>.</i><br />
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<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://images.gr-assets.com/books/1327878144l/6493208.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img data-original-height="400" data-original-width="277" height="320" src="https://images.gr-assets.com/books/1327878144l/6493208.jpg" width="221" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/6493208-the-immortal-life-of-henrietta-lacks" target="_blank">source</a></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
It's not often that I call a book mind-blowing. But this one fits the bill.<br />
<br />
It tells the incredible true story of (you guessed it) Henrietta Lacks, a Black woman who lived in Maryland in the 1950s. She developed cervical cancer and was treated at Johns Hopkins Hospital in Baltimore. During a surgery to treat the cancer, a doctor took—without her knowledge (and therefore, of course, without her consent)—some of her cervical cells, both of the cancerous and the non-cancerous varieties.<br />
<br />
The cancerous cells turned out to be just what that doctor had been looking for: human cells that would stay "alive" and reproduce...so they could be used in scientific research. (The very nature of cancerous cells is that they reproduce out of control...yet they were still living human cells. Both of these things together made the cells a perfect growth medium.)<br />
<br />
I mention her race above because back then, Johns Hopkins performed experiments on Black people, sometimes (clearly) without even their knowledge...which the book discusses.<br />
<br />
Anyway, that doctor began to distribute and later even to sell Ms. Lacks' cells; however, for many years, Ms. Lacks' family was completely unaware that this was happening, and they certainly were not receiving any compensation for it.<br />
<br />
Ms. Lacks' cells are still in use today and have been involved in a huge number of medical and other scientific breakthroughs. Much of the modern medicine and technology that we rely on today we owe in part to Ms. Lacks' cells.<br />
<br />
In the book <a href="http://rebeccaskloot.com/" target="_blank">Rebecca Skloot</a> tells not only the story of what happened to Ms. Lacks and her family but also the story of her investigation, which is also fascinating.<br />
<br />
HBO made a <a href="http://rebeccaskloot.com/the-immortal-life/the-movie/" target="_blank">movie</a> (by the same name) based on the book, starring Oprah Winfrey and Rose Byrne. You can stream it online using HBO Now. If you don't already have HBO, you can stream it for free by signing up for a free 30-day trial first.<br />
<br />
So...to sum up my review: This is, as I've said, an incredible true story, well told; I highly recommend it for everyone and think it should be required reading for all medical students as well as all other scientists.Conniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05882630042530182501noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9002436869422456383.post-12117632096152953432018-10-10T21:53:00.000-04:002019-10-10T15:03:12.322-04:00Things That (Can) Help Depression<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj6lRdZQEL3Oih4zTuhpvvMd2ZQXeHTHVFkQCVRpkTIh3YHACBGz5CLusVr0CezDtF9tNcmTalHXvkr-NnByl2OKz4GXjg-PBdg-kx92CBDLpqQerwzxQMpZbmQ4iTEPuO6qLYC7_tIqFqC/s1600/attractive-beautiful-beauty-594421.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1019" data-original-width="1600" height="203" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj6lRdZQEL3Oih4zTuhpvvMd2ZQXeHTHVFkQCVRpkTIh3YHACBGz5CLusVr0CezDtF9tNcmTalHXvkr-NnByl2OKz4GXjg-PBdg-kx92CBDLpqQerwzxQMpZbmQ4iTEPuO6qLYC7_tIqFqC/s320/attractive-beautiful-beauty-594421.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;">Photo by it's me neosiam from Pexels</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Yesterday Cameron Kasky (one of the organizers of the <a href="https://marchforourlives.com/" target="_blank">March For Our Lives</a>) <a href="https://twitter.com/cameron_kasky/status/1049721988611276801" target="_blank">tweeted</a> that he hasn't been as active lately because he's been "struggling with depression and anxiety in a stronger form than [he's] ever seen it." I <a href="https://twitter.com/tigerlily7a/status/1049764319347519489" target="_blank">responded</a> supportively, including saying that I know firsthand how debilitating depression can be. @Jennife42049695 <a href="https://twitter.com/Jennife42049695/status/1049799138244608001" target="_blank">replied</a> and asked if I had any advice for managing depression.<br />
<br />
I thought long and hard before replying. Because...I still <a href="https://aroadlesstraveledblog.blogspot.com/2016/04/my-depression-whatyoudontsee.html" target="_blank">live with</a> depression. It's not like I've conquered it or anything. But today during my lunch hour, I sat down to write a careful reply.<br />
<br />
Also, as it turns out...today is <a href="http://www.who.int/mental_health/world-mental-health-day/en/" target="_blank">World Mental Health Day</a>. I'd already thought about sharing my reply here; once I learned what today was, I knew I had to.<br />
<br />
So...here's (an edited version of) what I told Jennifer, in case it's helpful to anyone listening in:<br />
<br />
As you may know, depression generally isn't like: get depressed, do X to fix it, and then everything’s better. It doesn't tend to work like that.<br />
<br />
Having said that, there are some things I suggest, because I find them helpful (not necessarily in this order):<br />
<br />
<ol>
<li>Figure out who in your life can and will—and who can’t or won’t—be able to handle hearing your pain, will <a href="https://heatherplett.com/2015/03/hold-space/" target="_blank">hold space</a> for it, and will give you <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Evwgu369Jw" target="_blank">empathy</a>. Then when you share (if you share), do it only with the former.<br /> </li>
<li> Find community with others who are living the "same" experience. It can be incredibly validating to hear others say “me too!” When I've felt the need to, I've attended a <a href="https://secure2.convio.net/dabsa/site/SPageServer/;jsessionid=00000000.app20101a?NONCE_TOKEN=5256FCB1370E89A04D2998859E5A9795&pagename=home" target="_blank">Depression and Bipolar Alliance</a> support group.<br /> </li>
<li>Refuse to beat yourself up for resting when you’re too exhausted to do anything. If you don’t have the energy, you don’t have the energy—period. <a href="https://www.blurtitout.org/2017/09/12/depression-were-not-being-lazy/" target="_blank">That does <i>not</i> mean you’re lazy</a>.<br /> </li>
<li>If you're able to, get medical advice. If you have to start with a general practitioner, be sure to ask for a referral to a specialist. (Most general practitioners aren’t taught much about psychology.) There's <i>zero</i> shame in taking medication for depression. And don't let anyone tell you otherwise. If it helps balance the chemistry in your brain and makes you feel better, then—it helps, period.<br /> </li>
<li><a href="https://integrativemedicine.arizona.edu/alumni.html" target="_blank">Find</a> an <a href="https://integrativemedicine.arizona.edu/about/definition.html" target="_blank">integrative medicine</a> doctor (separate from #4), get an integrative health consult, and do as many of the things they suggest as possible.<br /> </li>
<li>Related to #5: Try as many “alternative” things as possible until you figure out what helps you. Even if you're skeptical about them. As long as you believe you'll remain safe, there's generally no harm in trying them. I’m talking about things like yoga, massage, acupuncture, <a href="https://aroadlesstraveledblog.blogspot.com/2018/09/i-have-to-believe-it.html" target="_blank">reiki</a>, meditation, etc. I believe all of those have helped me at least a little. And—I’m still trying things.<br /> </li>
<li>If you haven't already, figure out what kind(s) of music make you feel joyful, and listen to it when you're especially down (and even when you're not). This has a <a href="https://www.webmd.com/heart/news/20081113/joyful-music-helps-the-heart?src=RSS_PUBLIC" target="_blank">measurable health benefit</a>.<br /> </li>
<li>When you feel up to it, get out in nature and enjoy the beauty. This <a href="https://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2015/07/22/how-nature-changes-the-brain/" target="_blank">also has a measurable health (specifically mental health!) benefit</a>. </li>
</ol>
<i><i><br /></i>
If you struggle with depression, what do you think of the things on my list? What helps you? Post a comment and let me know.</i>Conniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05882630042530182501noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9002436869422456383.post-28408945484530999762018-09-28T23:07:00.001-04:002018-10-10T16:25:19.369-04:00I Have to Believe It<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhHi2pEgxo7kg9mnxU1BKgzrK89Dkm8CEgfgZ8ucYVIXXXXPUv6fSnEqIhY-kSyJjUIx5XhUutRQjaPeSnoHIIIfYYLx-w7_pwJ5tG30zdO9VACYT81bL96uhv0y1RZrukJRgyPwwfFpWmX/s1600/IMG_2960.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="898" data-original-width="1600" height="356" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhHi2pEgxo7kg9mnxU1BKgzrK89Dkm8CEgfgZ8ucYVIXXXXPUv6fSnEqIhY-kSyJjUIx5XhUutRQjaPeSnoHIIIfYYLx-w7_pwJ5tG30zdO9VACYT81bL96uhv0y1RZrukJRgyPwwfFpWmX/s640/IMG_2960.JPG" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Yes, that's me. Photo taken May 16, 2016, by Jessi Matthews.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
This is going to be a really personal post. I haven't written a super-personal post in a long time; 'course I haven't written a post at all in a long time. But I need to get this out, and I'm sharing it because...well, it's what I do.</div>
<br />
I had a <a href="https://www.reiki.org/faq/whatisreiki.html" target="_blank">reiki</a> session for the first time tonight. At the beginning of the session, <a href="http://www.reikiwithkatie.com/" target="_blank">my reiki practitioner</a> used a guided meditation to sort of lead me into it. For part of it, she said to picture myself in a very beautiful place and imagine that this place was just for me.<br />
<br />
My mind immediately went to the Oregon coast, which so far I have visited twice, exactly a year apart. I know they were exactly a year apart because both times were on my birthday. The first of those times, my dear friend Jessi and I sat on a log on the sand and talked while we enjoyed the beauty. It was mostly overcast and a little chilly, but it was still beautiful.<br />
<br />
Back to the guided meditation: This time I pictured myself there alone, just standing on the beach and enjoying what in my vision was now beautiful weather—warm and sunny, with the sun reflecting on the water, turning the view from beautiful to spectacular.<br />
<br />
At this point in the reiki session, the guided meditation stopped, but I kept picturing myself there...as if I lived there, and one by one, other elements came into the picture. I know what was happening: I was envisioning my dream life. The other elements were all things I have dreamed about doing, having, being...but that haven't happened yet for a variety of reasons. (Some of them,...much to my grief.)<br />
<br />
I'm walking along the beach because I have the energy to do that. My body looks more like I want it to than it does now. I'm throwing a frisbee to my dog. I'm joined by my loving partner. I have indeed found someone to grow old with. He loves me fiercely. And I him.When we go back to the house, we don't have to go far because it's right on the beach. (No one said my dream life would be cheap.) In the great room, there's a grand piano. (Again with the not-cheap.) I'm working toward entering the [Van] <a href="https://www.cliburn.org/cliburn-international-amateur-piano-competition/" target="_blank">Cliburn International Amateur Piano Competition</a>. This is a house that I've decorated myself because I have the energy to do that. We host lovely dinner parties because I actually do want to be the hostess sometimes. I am as "domestic" as I feel like being because I have the energy to do things I feel like doing. (Are you sensing a theme yet?) I have a job that I love. I do volunteer work that helps people and that I find meaningful. I have a part-time (at least) singing career because...well, that is my truest passion.<br />
<br />
Back to the present for a moment: I think many people in my life think that my biggest passion is English—grammar, writing...because I talk/post about that rather frequently. And I'm not un-passionate about that. But ever since my college days, ironically after I stopped being a music major ("piano performance emphasis"), a love for singing like I'd never known awakened (even though I'd been in various choirs for several years by that point). And singing does bring me a kind of joy that nothing else does. Most of the time though, (when I'm not in one of the handful of choirs I've been in since that time) I don't generally sing. It's odd. But I think it's because emotionally,...I'm not usually in a place to even want to sing. Like, it doesn't even occur to me. In case it sounds weird to you that I wouldn't want to do something that brings me joy...that's called deep depression, my friend.<br />
<br />
I'm suddenly realizing, with all of this talk of what my true passion is and of how much I have not yet self-actualized...that I am still, however unintentionally, suppressing my true self. <i>Daaamn</i>. Now if only bringing my true self to the fore were as easy as it had been the first time (moving out of my parents' house and going to college).<br />
<br />
Because now the challenge is to believe that I can have that kind of life—or at least that I can make many of those elements a reality.<br />
<br />
Which brings me back to my vision. The phrase that popped into my head and just kept recurring to me was: "I <i>have</i> to believe it."<br />
<br />
Because right now,...I don't. That's the bare truth of it.<br />
<br />
The cultural narrative of "you just have to believe in yourself" and "well, you have to have hope" is strong enough that I almost feel ashamed to admit this. But if you'd had a life filled almost entirely (so far) with heartbreak, how would you feel?<br />
<br />
So tonight that's where I'm at. Knowing I need to believe in a better future for myself. And not yet being sure of how to do that—or even that I won't <i>resist</i> any effort in that direction. (My cynicism runs <i>deep</i>, yo.)<br />
<br />
Never has the phrase "hoping against hope" meant so much to me.<br />
<br />
I just know that if I actively believe it <i>won't</i> happen, then it very likely won't.<br />
<br />
I'm also realizing...I have to <i>make</i> it happen. *sigh* And we're right back to...that'll happen someday <i>when I have the energy for it</i>. There's that theme again.<br />
<br />
So what I actually have hope in right now are the mind/body practices I've been trying lately—namely, reiki, massage, trauma releasing exercises, yoga. Because getting my body to work better has to be step one. And they are showing promise in that regard.<br />
<br />
So...current state: Staying the course.Conniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05882630042530182501noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9002436869422456383.post-596233706720733582018-05-05T19:25:00.006-04:002020-07-19T16:49:50.302-04:00Why I'm Supporting John Russell for Congress<div dir="ltr">
<div style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjOLMn0c8Wbv51Yv9bj1ruFwgjRWYo2Ft-x2P9hA2jBWl5ZuuXbKbHFIaqbh6L6BtvBXESFKDAEbSpjpeSjZaCixRnGd400-gjtyxVV66t4ujfj9Hzv4W_tACvhu8Zoa7MEiKS7D8UOLwTf/s820/AR-180418879.jpg" imageanchor="1"><img border="0" data-original-height="462" data-original-width="820" height="351" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjOLMn0c8Wbv51Yv9bj1ruFwgjRWYo2Ft-x2P9hA2jBWl5ZuuXbKbHFIaqbh6L6BtvBXESFKDAEbSpjpeSjZaCixRnGd400-gjtyxVV66t4ujfj9Hzv4W_tACvhu8Zoa7MEiKS7D8UOLwTf/w625-h351/AR-180418879.jpg" width="625" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div>
There's a special election this year in <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ohio%27s_12th_congressional_district" target="_blank">Ohio's 12th Congressional District</a>, thanks to Representative <a href="http://www.ontheissues.org/OH/Pat_Tiberi.htm" target="_blank">Pat Tiberi</a>'s <a href="http://www.dispatch.com/news/20171019/pat-tiberi-announces-resignation-from-congress" target="_blank">resigning</a> before the end of his term. (It's a <i>special</i> election because it's to elect someone to serve the remainder of that term. The <i>general</i> election for that seat is for the following Congressional term.)<br />
<br />
And the primary for <i>each </i>of them...is <i>at the same time...on the same ballot.</i> One of the things that means is: we have to vote for the same person twice on the same primary ballot. <a href="https://www.newarkadvocate.com/story/news/2018/03/25/kipp-confusing-race-replace-congressman-pat-tiberi/416232002/" target="_blank">Strange but true</a>.<br />
<br />
That election is <i>this coming Tuesday, May 8th.</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
From the night of <a href="https://www.facebook.com/IndivisibleOH12/" target="_blank">Indivisible Ohio District 12</a>'s candidates' forum back in February, I knew I wanted to support <a href="http://www.russellforohio.com/" target="_blank">John Russell</a>. And my commitment to that support has only grown since. Here are some of the reasons why. If you live in Ohio's 12th District <i>(<a href="https://www.house.gov/representatives/find-your-representative" target="_blank">Here</a>'s how to find what U.S. House District you live in),</i> I hope you'll join me in voting for John Russell. </div>
<ol>
<li> As he was growing up in the rural Ohio Valley, he saw people in his family and community pull together to help each other through tough times, which he says gave him the <b>values of community and service</b>, and <b>he believes that such values should be written into our policies.</b> I couldn't agree more.</li>
<li><b>He is committed to running a face-to-face campaign.</b> He wants to talk to as many 12th District voters—both urban and rural—as he can. And he's taken concrete steps to do just that, including participating in candidate forums and debates, holding town halls (he has held one in every county in the district), and attending 'meet the candidate' house parties. He has also committed to holding regular town halls once he's in office.</li>
<li>He gets that as a white man, he wouldn't exactly add to the diversity in Congress—and that he doesn't have the lived experiences or perspectives of those who identify differently than he does. But <b>he is committed to surrounding himself with a diverse group of people who do have those lived experiences and perspectives—and listening to them.</b></li>
<li><b>He is not accepting any corporate donations to his campaign.</b> Here's what he has to say about why: "Over and over and over again, corporations hire armies of lobbyists and get preferential treatment at the expense of ordinary people who can't hire lobbyists.... If we want to challenge the status quo, and take on special interests, we need the independence given by not accepting corporate money to get elected."</li>
<li><b>He has been politically active for years, even before Tiberi's seat became open.</b> John independently started a petition to get Tiberi to hold a town hall with constituents.
(Note: Tiberi never did; he resigned before his term was up, and now
John's running for that same seat.) John helped organize Indivisible Ohio District 12 (one of the many <a href="http://www.indivisible.org/" target="_blank">Indivisible</a> activism groups that formed in response to the 2016 election), and he joined their fight to save the Affordable Care Act.</li>
<li><b>He has a strong grasp on the issues.</b> In the time that I've been volunteering for his campaign, I've observed John talking with voters on multiple occasions. And I don't think I've seen him stumble once when asked about any issue. He's able to immediately speak to it and to articulate where he stands. And it strikes me as being more than just good communication ability or being personable, though he certainly has both of those as well. He really knows where he stands and what he will fight for.</li>
<li>Having grown up in and being a farmer in rural Ohio and having also worked with fellow activists in the urban areas of the district, <b>he has broad appeal across both parts of the district.</b> That seems to be a rare quality these days; it's refreshing to have a candidate who can cross what has become way too much of a divide in our country.</li>
<li>Last but certainly not least, <b>he has solidly progressive positions on the issues.</b> Among other things, he'll fight for:</li>
<ul>
<li>common sense gun safety laws</li>
<li>making voting easy/ier for all eligible voters</li>
<li>universal health care, through a single-payer, Medicare-for-all model</li>
<li>improved infrastructure</li>
<li>steady, good-paying jobs</li>
<li>a $15/hour minimum wage</li>
</ul>
</ol>
<ol><ul>
</ul>
</ol>
Here's John talking more about his position on several important issues:<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: left;">
<iframe allow="autoplay; encrypted-media" allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/2X6gYe2xzyk?rel=0&showinfo=0" width="560"></iframe>
</div>
Conniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05882630042530182501noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9002436869422456383.post-39675464355061256422018-01-09T07:30:00.001-05:002020-04-20T22:36:17.447-04:00You Guys, She *Gave a Speech*Let's get one thing straight right now: While she would almost certainly do a better job than 45 (which, let's face it, is probably the lowest bar for presidential success of all time), <a href="http://www.oprah.com/index.html" target="_blank">Oprah Winfrey</a> is not terribly well qualified to be the President of the United States. I'm not insulting her; I'm just stating a fact. She's <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Oprah_Winfrey" target="_blank">incredibly accomplished</a> and is qualified for a lot of things; I just don't think that being POTUS is one of them.<br />
<br />
Giving an impassioned (and awesome) speech at an awards show does not automatically mean she'd be a great candidate. And overseeing a <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Harpo_Productions" target="_blank">media empire</a> does not automatically mean she'd be a great president, who is tasked with leading the most powerful nation on Earth.<br />
<br />
There is a lot more to candidacy and certainly to presidency than speechmaking and business savvy.<br />
<br />
I mean, how many times do we have to learn the hard way that business ≠ government?!? Because...business does not equal government! Would some parts of government do well to apply sound business principles? Surely. But they are <i>not</i> the same things. Determining how to maximize value to shareholders is a far cry from, say, deciding whether to send troops into harm's way.<br />
<br />
As my friend <a href="http://www.jaycosnett.com/" target="_blank">Jay Cosnett</a> put it,<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
Governing requires experience... at governing! Passing bills, forging consensus, navigating overlapping centers of power and influence, maintaining and building coalitions, dealing with other politicians and governments... This idea that government is somehow "not real work" and that someone from the private sector doesn't need experience in it is bullshit.</blockquote>
<br />
And Thomas Chatterton Williams in <a href="https://draft.blogger.com/"><span id="goog_1542652070"></span>this great <i>New York Times</i> piece<span id="goog_1542652071"></span></a>:<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
I am not immune to Oprah’s charms, but President Winfrey is a terrible idea. It also underscores the extent to which Trumpism — the kowtowing to celebrity and ratings, the repudiation of experience and expertise — has infected our civic life. The ideal post-Trump politician will, at the very least, be a deeply serious figure with a strong record of public service behind her. It would be a devastating, self-inflicted wound for the Democrats to settle for even benevolent mimicry of Mr. Trump’s hallucinatory circus act.</blockquote>
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
* * *</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
And let's talk for a minute about how all this "Oprah 2020" talk is diverting attention from the content of that awesome speech. It was (mostly) about eliminating the need for <a href="https://twitter.com/search?q=%23MeToo&src=tyah" target="_blank">#MeToo</a>, to put it succinctly.<br />
<br />
Here it is, in case you've been living under a rock for the past 24 hours:<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<iframe width="560" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/TTyiq-JpM-0" frameborder="0" allow="accelerometer; autoplay; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture" allowfullscreen></iframe><br /></div>
<br />
Why aren't we talking about how to make that new day dawn? Why aren't we talking about how to make harassment and assault socially unacceptable? Why aren't we talking about how to make respect for the <i>personhood</i> of <i>all</i> human beings...absolutely basic?<br />
<br />
Why are we ignoring these critical topics, fixating on the fact that she spoke well and passionately, and jumping immediately to...'hey, let's make her president!'?<br />
<br />
Why?<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
* * *</div>
<br />
By the way, since electing <a href="https://barackobama.com/" target="_blank">Barack Obama</a> didn't end racism, do we somehow think that electing Oprah would end sexism?!?<br />
<br />
If an extremely qualified white woman, <a href="https://www.hillaryclinton.com/about/" target="_blank">one of the most qualified people to ever run for the presidency</a>, couldn't get elected to the highest office in this country (and...you're kidding yourself if you think misogyny didn't play a role), how well do you think a Black woman would do—without the requisite cultural change that Oprah's speech so beautifully called for happening first?<br />
<br />
We <i>cannot</i> skip the hard, hard work of dismantling systems of racism and patriarchy and expect that electing a charismatic leader will in and of itself fix our problems. Even if that charismatic leader <i>is</i> very well qualified (see again: Obama).<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
* * *</div>
<br />
Would I love to see a Black woman president? <i>Absolutely</i>. I say bring on the #BlackGirlMagic. I mean, the white guys haven't done all <i>that</i> well, for one thing. And Black women have been at the forefront of social change for ages. They know how to get shit done.<br />
<br />
But first, we need to do (at least) these two critical things: 1) look for truly well-qualified presidential candidates (of any and all identities) <i>and</i> 2) get to work on fixing that which is broken both within ourselves and within how we relate to each other.<br />
<br />
The future of our culture and our republic may well depend on it.Conniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05882630042530182501noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9002436869422456383.post-6392325233813647712016-07-24T16:30:00.002-04:002022-05-08T20:45:12.060-04:00Evangelicals: I SEE YOU, AND I SEE YOUR HYPOCRISY. I SEE IT.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Source: <a href="http://www.theblaze.com/stories/2016/01/30/jerry-falwell-jr-says-donald-trump-doesnt-always-brag/">theblaze.com</a>.</td></tr>
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So <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jerry_Falwell_Jr." target="_blank">Jerry Fallwell, Jr.</a> (president of Liberty University), one of evangelicalism's first and most enthusiastic endorsers of Donald Trump, was <a href="http://www.npr.org/2016/07/21/486854408/political-star-power-comes-out-for-day-3-of-the-republican-convention" target="_blank">interviewed on NPR</a> on Thursday.<br /><br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
INSKEEP: What have you heard from other evangelical leaders about supporting Donald Trump so early and so strongly? </blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
FALWELL, JR.: You know, it was funny that rank-and-file evangelicals were ahead of all the leadership.</blockquote>
<i><br />Great</i>. If that's true, it's way, <i>way</i> worse than I than I'd thought.<br /><br />
<br /><blockquote class="tr_bq">[FALWELL, JR., cont.]: They saw for decades conservative Republicans had made promises to them on issues that were important to Christians and conservatives when they were running for office. But when they won, they didn't keep those promises.</blockquote><p><i>When did you <b>ever </b>think they were going to keep their promises to you? When did you <b>ever</b> think that making this country "more Christian" was really at the top of their priority lists? </i>Oh wait—for <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Moral_Majority" target="_blank">a long time</a>, I know. So I guess the better question is: <i>Why? WHY did you ever think that?!?</i></p>
And wait—wasn't Jesus always having to remind people that His is a spiritual kingdom and not about the politics of the day?<br /><br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<a href="https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=John+18:36&version=NIV" target="_blank">John 18:36</a>: Jesus said, “My kingdom is not of this world. If it were, my servants would fight to prevent my arrest by the Jewish leaders. But now my kingdom is from another place.”</blockquote><br /> Also, the phrase "kingdom of God" appears <a href="https://www.biblegateway.com/quicksearch/?search=kingdom+of+God&version=NIV&searchtype=phrase&bookset=4" target="_blank">54 times</a> and "kingdom of heaven" <a href="https://www.biblegateway.com/quicksearch/?search=kingdom+of+heaven&version=NIV&searchtype=phrase&bookset=4" target="_blank">31 times</a> in the Gospels alone (of the New International Version).<br />
<br />
So...maybe—I'm just going out on a limb here—<i>maybe</i> Christians shouldn't trust political leaders to make this country more like, say, themselves...and should instead focus on the spiritual kingdom, perhaps by fulfilling the <a href="https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Matthew+22%3A37-40&amp;version=NIV" target="_blank">first and second greatest commandments, the ones on which all "the law and the prophets" hang</a>? Just a thought.<br />
<br />
For anyone listening in who may not be familiar enough with the Bible to know, here are the two greatest commandments:<br /><br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
“Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.” This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: “Love your neighbor as yourself.” All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.” (from <a href="https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Matthew+22%3A37-40&version=NIV" target="_blank">Matthew 22:37<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: 13.3333px;">–</span></span>40</a>)</blockquote><br /> Love God and love your neighbor. That's it. And in case anyone wondered who his or her neighbor was (so they could get away with making certain people not their neighbor), Jesus told <a href="https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Luke+10%3A25-37&version=NIV" target="_blank">an entire parable</a> to clear up that one.<br />
<br /><br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
[FALWELL, JR., cont.]: And I think, you know, like the song by The Who "Won't Get Fooled Again," I think they just decided no more. We want somebody who maybe makes mistakes and maybe sort of talks off the cuff and may not get it right all the time, but at least he's not bamboozling us.</blockquote><br /> Noooo, Trump's not bamboozling you at <i>all</i>. Not even one tiny little bit.<br /><br />
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
INSKEEP: Is his personal life or any candidate's personal life relevant to you?</blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
FALWELL, JR.: Well, I think Jesus said we're all sinners. When they ask that question, I always talk about the story of the woman at the well who had had five husbands and she was living with somebody she wasn't married to, and they wanted to stone her. And Jesus said he's - he who is without sin cast the first stone. </blockquote><br />Um...No. If you're going to use stories from the Bible—the book you supposedly believe to be the most sacred of all—and if you're going to use them on a national program, and if you're going to use them to, of all things, justify your support of probably the most unChristian* presidential candidate in American history...at least get those stories right.<br />
<br />
There <i>was </i>a <a href="https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=John+4%3A1-42&version=NIV" target="_blank">woman at the well</a>. And she <i>had</i> had 5 husbands. But a) no one wanted to stone her, b) Jesus talked to her about spiritual stuff—He didn't try to get her elected to public office (there's a <i>ginormous, important </i>difference), and c) Jesus talked to her even though she was both a <i>woman </i>and part of an <i>outcast ethnic group.</i> (Think about it.)<br />
<br />
The one about whom Jesus said, "<a href="https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=John+8%3A1-11&version=NIV" target="_blank">he who is without sin cast the first stone</a>" was the woman caught in the act of adultery, for which a bunch of religious establishment dudes wanted to stone her to death. And...oh yeah, she was, like, a totally separate person.<br /><br />
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
[FALWELL, JR., cont.]: I just see how Donald Trump treats other people, and I'm impressed by that.</blockquote><p>Oh, so you’re impressed by a man who <a href="http://www.telegraph.co.uk/women/politics/donald-trump-sexism-tracker-every-offensive-comment-in-one-place/" target="_blank">disrespects women</a>, <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PX9reO3QnUA" target="_blank">mocks the disabled</a>, and stereotypes people based on <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BhbOEduvA9U" target="_blank">country</a> and <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YsieTbCeBhs" target="_blank">religion</a> (rather than, say, <a href="https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Hebrews+13:2-3&version=NIV" target="_blank">welcomes the stranger</a> as the Bible says to do)? (And those were just the examples that sprung to mind. We both know there are more.)</p>
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Wow. Just...Wow.<br />
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* * *</div>
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If Trump has done anything "for" us, it may be that he <a href="http://johnpavlovitz.com/2016/04/09/thank-donald-trump/" target="_blank">revealed</a> the true nature of many evangelicals (and a lot of other people in this country). As Jonathan Merritt put it in an <a href="http://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2016/06/trump-and-the-evangelicals-a-match-made-in-well/488552/" target="_blank">excellent piece for <i>The Atlantic</i></a> (emphasis mine):<br /><br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
Evangelicals are acutely aware of their waning cultural influence and shrinking share of the population. <b>These religious leaders care about their principles, yes. But they care about something else even more: power.</b> While not every evangelical leader is enthusiastic about Trump, many are starting to express warm feelings toward the candidate.</blockquote><br /> I really believe that rather than causing misogyny, racism, homophobia, and xenophobia among his supporters, he has merely exposed it. He has somehow "given people permission" to bring all that ugliness out into the open. As bothered as I am by Trump, I'm bothered even more by the fact that he has supporters—and enough to have actually won presidential nomination.<br />
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* * *<br />
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Back to Jerry. Does he represent all evangelicals? Certainly not. (He doesn't even completely align [politically] with his own <a href="http://www.politico.com/magazine/story/2016/07/jerry-falwell-jonathan-gop-convention-trump-evangelical-conservative-christians-214082" target="_blank">brother</a>, who happens to be the pastor of their late father's church.)<br />
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But he represents a lot of them. Trump met with 1,000 or more evangelical leaders last month, and he received plenty of praise from them, as well as endorsements from many who once vehemently opposed him. (Source: Merritt's piece, linked above.)<br />
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So—I am speaking here to Jerry and to those evangelicals he <i>does</i> represent:<br />
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<b>Dudes, your hypocrisy has finally come out.</b><br />
<br />
<b>There had to be at least a strain of this hypocrisy there all along if this—THIS—was ever going to be a result.</b><br />
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Are you proud of yourselves?<br />
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Because I'm pretty sure that Jesus is not.<br />
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<span style="font-size: small;">*I've got a newsflash for ya: Being a Christian is not required to be a good president. It's not even required to be president at all. It's possible for a person of another faith or even—gasp!—of no faith to be principled enough, to have all of the right qualities, and to make an excellent president. It really, really is.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;">P.S. The title of this post is paraphrased from Jon Stewart's epic, not-to-be-missed <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mNiqpBNE9ik" target="_blank">takedown</a> of hypocritical conservative media and Republicans.</span>Conniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05882630042530182501noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9002436869422456383.post-57754321491946309582016-07-16T08:00:00.000-04:002016-07-16T08:00:13.902-04:00Dear Diamond Reynolds<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.wired.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/07/Philando-Castile-shooting16189542220756-1024x697.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="325" src="https://www.wired.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/07/Philando-Castile-shooting16189542220756-1024x697.jpg" width="480" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Source: <a href="http://www.wired.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/07/Philando-Castile-shooting16189542220756-1024x697.jpg" target="_blank">wired.com</a></td></tr>
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Dear Diamond,<br />
<br />
Words fail.<br />
<br />
There are no words that could ever adequately encapsulate you’ve been and are going
through.<br />
<br />
There are absolutely no words that could ever make this better.<br />
<br />
But words are all I have right now, so I’ll try to use only those I need…to say:<br />
<br />
You are not alone in this. You are not the only one whose life partner died—and before you had the chance to
get married, too.<br />
<br />
There are hundreds of us (at least). We've become a community. We call ourselves <a href="http://www.facebook.com/unweddedwidows">Unwedded Widows</a>. (If you're thinking that you can't be a widow because you weren't married, please read <a href="https://www.facebook.com/notes/unwedded-widows/the-widows-gates-by-kim-go/138614612829690" target="_blank">this</a>. TL/DR: Throughout most of recorded history, "widow" had a much wider meaning than one whose legally-declared spouse had died. So you really can call yourself a widow—if you want to. I'll warn you that not everyone "agrees." But...they just haven't learned yet.)<br />
<br />
And you would be welcome to join this community. I wish like hell I didn’t need to welcome you to this “club” that no one wants to join.<br />
<br />
But—we are here for you. Whenever you're ready for us. And if that's a very long time from now, that's OK. We're not going anywhere.<br />
<br />
While we can never know what it feels like to walk in your particular shoes, we do know the pain of our beloved dying. So, as much as is possible, we "get it." And we care.<br />
<br />
I wish I could give you a hug and ask you to tell me about Phil. What kind of guy he was, what you loved about him...whatever you wanted to say.<br />
<br />
Your love connects you to Phil forever. It's one of the big things that <a href="http://www.conniewinch.com/ron" target="_blank">my own widowhood</a> has taught me: Love Never Dies.<br />
<br />
I suspect you've already figured that out—because of these incredible words that you said in this video: "Our vow to each other was to have love, to have understanding, to have communication, and to be as one. And as he lays his body to rest and as he's up in heaven, all of those things that we vowed together as a partner, those are the things that I vow to not let go, and to remain keeping those things alive, because he deserves that."<br />
<br /></div>
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I can't bring him back to you, and I can't make anything "better," even by my words. But I can—and do—send you love, on behalf of myself and the fellow unwedded widows I've come to know and love. And the invitation to join our community will always be open. You would be welcomed with open arms.</div>
Conniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05882630042530182501noreply@blogger.com0