And Just Like That...I Feel So Seen, Part 1

Sarah Jessica Parker as Carrie Preston and Sarita Choudhury as Seema Patel in Season 1 Episode 4
of And Just Like That. (Source: warnermedia.com, photo by Craig Blankenhorn/HBO Max.)

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This post contains spoilers for And Just Like That—both for the show in general and for
Season 1, Episode 4 in particular.
 
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As of the end of the very first episode of And Just Like That, Carrie Preston is now a widow. In Episode 4, she decides to sell the apartment she shared with her late husband. And so we meet Seema Patel, her real estate agent, who's a 53-year-old single woman—not divorced and never married. 

When Carrie and Seema are first getting to know each other, they talk about Seema's dating life, and Carrie says, "And you're never married, not divorced?" Seema replies, "No, happily not divorced." To which Carrie says, "Well, I think it's great that you're still putting yourself out there." Seema gives an affirmative response, and the moment passes.

Later, after the open house she'd held for the Prestons' apartment, Seema matter-of-factly tells Carrie that, while moving a photo Carrie'd inadvertently left out (Seema had asked that all personal items be out of sight), the glass had broken. She acts like it's not a big deal and says she'll just replace the glass. However, to Carrie, this is anything but a small deal. It's a photo of her and her late husband; this photo had sat by his side of the bed, and he had touched the glass many times. So to Carrie, even the glass is not replaceable. This feels so realistic to me. When someone you love dearly dies, things they owned, things they touched, places you spent time together—they become infused with this extra meaning they might not've for you had before. Once-ordinary things become irrevocably precious.

Carrie calls Seema on what she perceives as her insensitivity, and Seema assures Carrie that she had no intention of being insensitive. Carrie responds that it seems that way anyway. This exchange is so timely. I think one of the biggest things that becoming aware of societal injustices has taught me and something that I think I'm seeing much more in the culture than I used to is: It's not just about a person's intention in saying or doing something. It's about the impact. Impact matters more than intent.

The next thing Carrie says is, "He's gone, it's broken, and no one can fix it." And if that doesn't just sum it all up....

After assuring Carrie again that she's truly sorry and had no intention of being insensitive, Seema says, "Sometimes, people aren't aware of how insensitive they may seem. And I guess today that could apply to me. Or to you...the other day." Carrie says, "Me? How was I insensitive?" Seema reminds her that she'd said, "It's great you're still putting yourself out there." Carrie doesn't say anything, but she tilts her head a bit like...Huh? So Seema repeats it, "Well, it's great you're still putting yourself out there" (emphasis hers). And then she paraphrases what she thinks Carrie might have been implying, "Good for you, Seema, trying to find yourself a man to marry after all those years of no luck." And now their previous exchange is reversed: Carrie says she hadn't meant it that way, and Seema replies that that's how she'd heard it.

But the real kicker for me in this conversation comes next: Seema bravely admits: "If I'm being really honest, maybe you have a point, Carrie. Maybe there's a little part of me that doesn't feel sorry for you, 'cause at least you found the love of your life and you had him for many wonderful years. And in my eyes, that is something worth still putting yourself out there for." Ohhh man. I feel this. I sooo feel this. As much as my widowed community means to me, I'd be lying if I said I didn't envy a lot of them, the ones who got to marry their partner, the ones who got to have that particular dream come true. I wish I could say that wasn't true. But it is.

Carrie says she agrees, and the two of them just look at each other for a minute, and then Carrie offers Seema some of the food she'd brought with her. And soon, they're laughing. "And just like that, we began our real friendship." Which I thought was a beautiful way to end that scene and the episode.

While I was watching that scene for the first time, it hit me: I relate to both sides of this conversation. I know what it is to lose the man I thought I'd spend my life with. And I know what it is to be in my early 50s and so far, despite many attempts, not having "found love" (with the exception of the one who died, of course). The other difference with me is...I'm not putting myself out there anymore. I got ghosted one too many times (note: once is too many) and told myself I couldn't do it anymore. I don't know yet whether the moratorium is permanent.

Anyway, I'll say a bunch more about this, especially about Seema, in Part 2.