#ConniesYearOfSelfCare2019 Part 2

Photo by Suzy Hazelwood from Pexels

In Part 1 I talked about how I came to make self care my theme for 2019 and how I was allowing myself time to figure out exactly what I wanted that to mean. I also mentioned that I was writing about it mostly to keep it top of mind, because I've struggled with that in the past.

Well, I have good news on both fronts. I now have a list of habits, essentially, that I had already started and want to continue, that I want to improve upon, or that I want to even start in the first place...and that I believe will contribute to improving my health. More on that later.

Also, remarkably, self care has stayed top of mind so far. I honestly think the biggest reason is that I changed my Facebook cover photo to the graphic that accompanied Part 1. You don't see your own profile photo as often as you look at others', but I've found myself going back to my own profile to look for something often enough that I end up thinking "oh right, self care!" relatively frequently. I also put a reminder in my phone for the first of every month: "This year is about self care!" So...better living through technology, I guess!

* * * *

So...here's the habit list, broken down by minimum frequency. (What I'm not going to do is say—at least yet—how well I'm doing on each of these. I gotta have some secrets. ;)

Twice daily
Taking supplements

Daily

Walking or other exercise

Dental care

Skin care

Meditation

Reading

Twice Weekly
Stretching

Weekly

Acupuncture

Yoga

Creative hobby (such as coloring, music, calligraphy/lettering, photography)

Monthly

Reiki

Massage

Yearly

Vacation

There's probably more that could be added to this list. But these are my focus, at least for now.

* * * *

Next time I'll have to share about a workshop I attended in January. Its content seriously has the potential to change my life. Some workshops you don't end up getting much out of, but not this one! I mean, it's May, and I'm still thinking about it. Stay tuned!

Maybe You Hate This Day

Maybe you hate this day.

Maybe you're seeing all the social media posts from your friends who are clearly in love.

Maybe you're seeing all the bouquets at work that aren't for you.

Maybe you went into any store within the last week and felt like you had to walk through a gauntlet of triggers, thanks to hearts everywhere.

Maybe you're just missing your person that much more today.

Maybe you had special Valentine's Day memories with your person.

Maybe you didn't, and today just makes you wish you had.

Maybe you've never gotten to experience a romantic Valentine's Day in your life.

Maybe you've never 'had a person' in that way, but you achingly wish for that.

Maybe you've achingly wished for that for years, and...you'd stop wanting it if you could, but you can never seem to pull that one off.

Maybe you've started to wonder if it will ever happen for you.

Maybe this day, as much as you tell yourself you're going to ignore it, breaks through anyway—because our culture is just. so. relentless. with its holidays, and it wears away your resolve to soldier through, unmoved.

Maybe you know that today, the tears are inevitable.

If any of this describes you or if today brings any kind of unique pain for you, I want you to know:

I see you.
I get it.
My heart is with you.

Your pain is valid. And don't let anyone tell you otherwise—or shame you for feeling it.
You are worthy of love and belonging.
You are not alone.

#ConniesYearOfSelfCare2019: Part 1

I can't remember the moment when I began thinking about making this my theme for 2019. I just know I started thinking about it sometime before the start of the new year, and then, on January 1st, I made this graphic and changed my Facebook cover photo to it. I do remember realizing that at the very least, I needed to be taking a lot better care of myself than I presently do.

The fact that I turn 50 in less than 6 months could also have something to do with it.... ;)

Then there's always the chronic conditions that are the bane of my existence, namely depression, low energy, and acid reflux, to name the top three. They will get none better (and indeed will probably get worse) if I simply maintain the status quo.

Anyway, I'm sharing this journey as much to help keep it top of mind as anything else. Because I know from too much experience how difficult it can be to see something through that you start in January. So I figured writing about it could be a way to make it more of a 'thing.'

* * * *

The fact that it's a theme and not a resolution is very much on purpose. As I alluded to above, I've done the set-a-resolution-with-too-little-follow-through thing before. (Yeah, not fun when you realize later how poorly a resolution you'd set turned out.) Enough so that for a few years there, I stopped making resolutions and I think for some of those years, didn't even try to think about changing anything in particular. Even though a lot needs to be changed.

* * * *

The beautiful thing is that after only a little over two weeks into the new year, I've realized a few things that feel significant.

First, it dawned on me that I didn't have to figure out the "one right thing" to work on or habit to try to implement or whatever...on or before January 1. I could take some time to figure out what better self care will look like for me in 2019. So...I'm giving myself time to figure it out. I'm letting it be OK that I don't have the entire set of definitive answers—yet.

I think part of my follow-through problems in the past (well, besides being not great at it generally, lol) was: the more I tied any resolution to the start of a new year, the more I told myself "I'm going to do X every day," the greater the chances, it seemed, that it would fail. I think it just created too much pressure.

Second, since I started using a self-care journal (second link below) and writing down whatever I'd done in a given day that seemed self-care-ish, I was able to realize: I'm doing more that fits into the self-care category than I'd realized, so it's not like everything is garbage...and maybe I need to cut myself a break. How's that for a revelation.

* * * *

The other brilliant (I thought ;) idea I had was to during January schedule as many of my self-care appointments for the year as possible. That way they're already set up and I don't have to worry about scheduling any more of them until next year. So—I now have one massage and reiki appointment each scheduled for every month in 2019. I still need to do the same for an eye doctor appointment and possibly a medical wellness check. I'm also giving acupuncture a real try, but I don't know how long I'll be getting it regularly because I don't know yet how much it's helping me. (It can have a cumulative effect, and I'm still waiting to see if enough good effect will accumulate to make it worth it.)

Here are some of the other things I've done so far to further my self care in 2019:

• Read The Self-Care Project by Jayne Hardy (founder and CEO of The Blurt Foundation, which provides support and resources to people with depression)
• Bought and began using this self-care journal (And by the way, I'm letting it be OK if I don't write in it every single day.)
• Divided up my supplements so I can begin taking them twice instead of once a day, for better results (sometimes, it's the little things...)
• Set a reading goal (of 24 books) for the year, finished the one I was reading when the new year started, read a second, started on a third (I joined a book club late last year, so I'm hopeful that will motivate me to choose reading over, say, Netflix more often than I did last year)

* * * *

So...that's where I'm at. Here's to the journey as it unfolds.

Things That (Can) Help Depression

Photo by it's me neosiam from Pexels

Yesterday Cameron Kasky (one of the organizers of the March For Our Lives) tweeted that he hasn't been as active lately because he's been "struggling with depression and anxiety in a stronger form than [he's] ever seen it." I responded supportively, including saying that I know firsthand how debilitating depression can be. @Jennife42049695 replied and asked if I had any advice for managing depression.

I thought long and hard before replying. Because...I still live with depression. It's not like I've conquered it or anything. But today during my lunch hour, I sat down to write a careful reply.

Also, as it turns out...today is World Mental Health Day. I'd already thought about sharing my reply here; once I learned what today was, I knew I had to.

So...here's (an edited version of) what I told Jennifer, in case it's helpful to anyone listening in:

As you may know, depression generally isn't like: get depressed, do X to fix it, and then everything’s better. It doesn't tend to work like that.

Having said that, there are some things I suggest, because I find them helpful (not necessarily in this order):

1. Figure out who in your life can and will—and who can’t or won’t—be able to handle hearing your pain, will hold space for it, and will give you empathy. Then when you share (if you share), do it only with the former.
    
2.  Find community with others who are living the "same" experience. It can be incredibly validating to hear others say “me too!” When I've felt the need to, I've attended a Depression and Bipolar Alliance support group.
    
3. Refuse to beat yourself up for resting when you’re too exhausted to do anything. If you don’t have the energy, you don’t have the energy—period. That does not mean you’re lazy.
    
4. If you're able to, get medical advice. If you have to start with a general practitioner, be sure to ask for a referral to a specialist. (Most general practitioners aren’t taught much about psychology.) There's zero shame in taking medication for depression. And don't let anyone tell you otherwise. If it helps balance the chemistry in your brain and makes you feel better, then—it helps, period.
    
5. Find an integrative medicine doctor (separate from #4), get an integrative health consult, and do as many of the things they suggest as possible.
    
6. Related to #5: Try as many “alternative” things as possible until you figure out what helps you. Even if you're skeptical about them. As long as you believe you'll remain safe, there's generally no harm in trying them. I’m talking about things like yoga, massage, acupuncture, reiki, meditation, etc. I believe all of those have helped me at least a little. And—I’m still trying things.
    
7. If you haven't already, figure out what kind(s) of music make you feel joyful, and listen to it when you're especially down (and even when you're not). This has a measurable health benefit.
    
8. When you feel up to it, get out in nature and enjoy the beauty. This also has a measurable health (specifically mental health!) benefit. 

If you struggle with depression, what do you think of the things on my list? What helps you? Post a comment and let me know.