And Just Like That...I Feel So Seen, Part 2

Sarita Choudhury as Seema Patel in And Just Like That.
(Source: warnermedia.com, photo by Craig Blankenhorn/HBO Max.)

 
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This post contains spoilers for 
And Just Like That Season 1, Episode 6.
 
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Seema Patel is fabulous. And in case the photo above isn't enough proof, here are a couple more in evidence:

Sarita Choudhury as Seema Patel in And Just Like That.
(Source: warnermedia.com, photos by Craig Blankenhorn/HBO Max.)

But who is Seema? We know her as Carrie Preston's real estate agent and new friend.

Of course, in reality, she's a fictional character on And Just Like That. So why is this a big deal? There are fabulous characters on TV all the time.

Yes, but how often are they a never-married single woman? How often are they a never-married single woman in her 50s, no less? I mean, even in the original series, Carrie, Charlotte, Miranda, and Samantha were in their 30s or 40s—never 50s. And of course three of those four got married during the series.

Seema is 53. Which does not stop her from continuing to "put herself out there" as they say.

And like many single women, she has to deal with the "When are you going to get married?" thing from her parents. (While shopping for an outfit for her family's Diwali party, she tells Carrie, "In India, Diwali is a Hindu celebration of light triumphing over dark. In Queens, it's the celebration of my family asking me why I'm still not married.") So much so that she tells her parents she's dating "Dennis" (who, of course, does not exist).

(Note: Indian viewers have pointed out online that while the characters use the word "sari," the shop that Seema and Carrie go into does not have saris; it only has lahengas. I used "outfit" because which type they are shopping for—and later in the episode wearing—is not the point of this post. More importantly, as a non-Indian with almost no knowledge of Indian garments, I'm not really qualified to comment.)

In addition to having a great career, having a killer wardrobe, and being generally fabulous, Seema's independent. She knows her own mind. In telling Carrie she doesn't want an arranged marriage like her parents', she says, "...[E]very time I push back on one of their choices for me, I get, 'Your father and I weren't in love at first sight either, but we grew to love each other.' If I have to convince myself to love someone, then I don't want them."

What's more, she's happy with her life. At least...sometimes she is. After they both attend the Diwali party, where Carrie learns about the "Dennis" thing, Seema tells Carrie, "Trust me, when I'm alone, I know there's no Dennis in my life."

Carrie: "Yet."

Seema: "Okay, yet."

Carrie: "So are you happy with your life alone, like you said you were...[earlier]?"

Seema: "Most times. And other times, it's wishful thinking, something I tell myself."

What I love about this is: Seema is not one-dimensional. She's independent, not wanting her parents (or anyone else for that matter) choosing things for her, and she feels the pressure enough to fib to her parents. She loves her life and wants to—and, as we learned in episode 4, is working to—find someone to share it with.

So...to the And Just Like That creative team, I must say: Thank you, thank you, thank you for giving us a 50+ single woman character who is both fabulous and flawed, "looking for love" and loving her life—all at the same time. You could've made her into yet another example of the older single woman stereotype...I'm so glad you didn't.

And Just Like That...I Feel So Seen, Part 1

Sarah Jessica Parker as Carrie Preston and Sarita Choudhury as Seema Patel in Season 1 Episode 4
of And Just Like That. (Source: warnermedia.com, photo by Craig Blankenhorn/HBO Max.)

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This post contains spoilers for And Just Like That—both for the show in general and for
Season 1, Episode 4 in particular.
 
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As of the end of the very first episode of And Just Like That, Carrie Preston is now a widow. In Episode 4, she decides to sell the apartment she shared with her late husband. And so we meet Seema Patel, her real estate agent, who's a 53-year-old single woman—not divorced and never married. 

When Carrie and Seema are first getting to know each other, they talk about Seema's dating life, and Carrie says, "And you're never married, not divorced?" Seema replies, "No, happily not divorced." To which Carrie says, "Well, I think it's great that you're still putting yourself out there." Seema gives an affirmative response, and the moment passes.

Later, after the open house she'd held for the Prestons' apartment, Seema matter-of-factly tells Carrie that, while moving a photo Carrie'd inadvertently left out (Seema had asked that all personal items be out of sight), the glass had broken. She acts like it's not a big deal and says she'll just replace the glass. However, to Carrie, this is anything but a small deal. It's a photo of her and her late husband; this photo had sat by his side of the bed, and he had touched the glass many times. So to Carrie, even the glass is not replaceable. This feels so realistic to me. When someone you love dearly dies, things they owned, things they touched, places you spent time together—they become infused with this extra meaning they might not've for you had before. Once-ordinary things become irrevocably precious.

Carrie calls Seema on what she perceives as her insensitivity, and Seema assures Carrie that she had no intention of being insensitive. Carrie responds that it seems that way anyway. This exchange is so timely. I think one of the biggest things that becoming aware of societal injustices has taught me and something that I think I'm seeing much more in the culture than I used to is: It's not just about a person's intention in saying or doing something. It's about the impact. Impact matters more than intent.

The next thing Carrie says is, "He's gone, it's broken, and no one can fix it." And if that doesn't just sum it all up....

After assuring Carrie again that she's truly sorry and had no intention of being insensitive, Seema says, "Sometimes, people aren't aware of how insensitive they may seem. And I guess today that could apply to me. Or to you...the other day." Carrie says, "Me? How was I insensitive?" Seema reminds her that she'd said, "It's great you're still putting yourself out there." Carrie doesn't say anything, but she tilts her head a bit like...Huh? So Seema repeats it, "Well, it's great you're still putting yourself out there" (emphasis hers). And then she paraphrases what she thinks Carrie might have been implying, "Good for you, Seema, trying to find yourself a man to marry after all those years of no luck." And now their previous exchange is reversed: Carrie says she hadn't meant it that way, and Seema replies that that's how she'd heard it.

But the real kicker for me in this conversation comes next: Seema bravely admits: "If I'm being really honest, maybe you have a point, Carrie. Maybe there's a little part of me that doesn't feel sorry for you, 'cause at least you found the love of your life and you had him for many wonderful years. And in my eyes, that is something worth still putting yourself out there for." Ohhh man. I feel this. I sooo feel this. As much as my widowed community means to me, I'd be lying if I said I didn't envy a lot of them, the ones who got to marry their partner, the ones who got to have that particular dream come true. I wish I could say that wasn't true. But it is.

Carrie says she agrees, and the two of them just look at each other for a minute, and then Carrie offers Seema some of the food she'd brought with her. And soon, they're laughing. "And just like that, we began our real friendship." Which I thought was a beautiful way to end that scene and the episode.

While I was watching that scene for the first time, it hit me: I relate to both sides of this conversation. I know what it is to lose the man I thought I'd spend my life with. And I know what it is to be in my early 50s and so far, despite many attempts, not having "found love" (with the exception of the one who died, of course). The other difference with me is...I'm not putting myself out there anymore. I got ghosted one too many times (note: once is too many) and told myself I couldn't do it anymore. I don't know yet whether the moratorium is permanent.

Anyway, I'll say a bunch more about this, especially about Seema, in Part 2.